Marik's Guide to World Domination
by Karasu's Angel
Summary: Marik and his assistant Bakura present an easy to follow simple step by step guide to world domination based on their own failures..I mean, experiences...UPDATED Nov 05! After a whole year! Yea!
1. Introduction

I'm attempting this, although I'm not sure how it's gonna turn out. Please R&R and tell me what you think!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh  
  
Marik's guide to world domination: Introduction  
  
'Hello, aspiring evil psychos who want to take over the world! I am your mentor, Marik Ishtar. Along with my minion-partner, Bakura,' Marik typed on his computer.  
  
"No way! I aint no minion!" Marik's assistant, Bakura, was sitting beside him and complaining like usual. He grabbed the keyboard and typed in "friend."  
  
'How special.'  
  
'Anyway, I am here to present my easy-to-follow-plan for world domination.'  
  
"But you failed-"  
  
POKE! Marik poked his 'friend' harshly on the side of his head. "Bakura you dummy we still need a way to pay the bills!"  
  
"But this is going on the internet, free for all to see." Bakura nods at the computer screen on which Marik is typing. "We're gonna post it up online!"  
  
"WHAT?! NO!" This was an outrage!  
  
"We couldn't find a publisher that found this worthwhile." Bakura frowned.  
  
"But if it's on the internet, the good guys could see this, and ruin everything!" Great, now Yugi, who looks like your average computer geek, will read it. Marik sighed.  
  
"But it says in the title "for aspiring psychos"! Why would the good guys read this?" Bakura scratched his head.  
  
"Duh, that's the point!" Bakura isn't the brightest bulb on the tree sometimes. "They'll read this just so they can find out and ruin it for all my aspiring prodigies!"  
  
"Oh...why don't we call it something else?" Bakura asks, shrugging.  
  
"BECAUSE! Then the aspiring psycho's won't be able to find it!"  
  
"Oh...."  
  
"I'm just gonna leave it," Marik nodded. "We'll figure out about the good guys later."  
  
"Okay," Bakura nodded.  
  
'Just remember, everyone's trek to world domination is different. This is merely a guide. So, experiment if you feel the need to, you don't have to follow my guide exactly.'  
  
Marik nodded happily, admiring his typing.  
  
'And remember, world domination is a delicate process that takes a long time. Never let your guard down.'  
  
'And also remember if you do succeed, to remember who guided you along. Bakura and Marik.'  
  
'This is dedicated to all of you reading. You make me proud!'  
  
Marik cracked his knuckles.  
  
'This will based on personal experience. So get ready to hear the master at work.'  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes.  
  
'Now, let's start the guide/story. First chapter - Know the Enemy.'  
  
I know it's short. Sorry. But the actual chappies will be longer. 


	2. Step 1: Know the Target

Now it's time for Marik to let out his secrets to all of you-free of charge! better take this opportunity while it lasts! Oh, thanks for the reviews! Marik likes to know his customers are happy! No trees, dogs, or sticks were harmed in the making of the guide.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything that I happen to mention that I do not own. Thank you.  
  
WARNING: This is all for fun! Don't try to do any of these things at home. If you do and get in trouble, don't blame me and try to sue me or something because I warned you (I have to put that in case someone does try it and blame me!)!  
  
Marik's Guide to World Domination: Step 1 Know the target  
  
(A/N: Since Marik is typing this, it will be his point of view)  
  
Hello aspiring psycho's, to the first official step on your way to world domination! I'm very pleased that decided to stick with us. You won't be sorry!  
  
Now down to business.  
  
The first step is "knowing the target." This step refers to any annoying, 'lets be a superhero and stop all the baddies!' type of people that will try to stand in your way.  
  
And trust me, no matter who you are or where you are, these annoying retards will always be there to try to stop you.  
  
In order for your venture to go well, it's best that right in the beginning you find out as much as you can, or preferably eliminate them.  
  
Heck, if you eliminate them as early as possible, then you're set on your quest!  
  
I feel it is best if you actually hear the experiences of the master himself, moi, Marik and my faithful servant/friend, Bakura.  
  
Now, Bakura and I will tell you about our own ventures, so take notes! (Or print this page out. It's easier.).  
  
I went to the library. Now, in trying to find your potential adversary's, its always best to go to the library for two reasons: You can do research on people in the town and be snoopy, or he or she will be in the library doing their homework and picking their noses!  
  
It's important to remember that there are two kinds of 'heros' - the tough I'll-kick-your-ass-kind, or the goofy geeky nerd thats looks like you can break him in half by breathing on him.  
  
Most of your 'heros' are the latter, like mine. But mine wasn't in the library when I went, but I found out about a kid named Yugi - shrimpy, wimpy, weak, but when he played duel monsters, was confident, strong and fought for good.  
  
Yup, there he is. I sent Bakura to spy on them a little bit, for about a couple weeks. When he came back, he reported to me what I suspected- Yugi transforms when he duels-into the pharaoh Yami! Ah-Ha! He also told me Yugi/Yami goes around fighting evil duelists and for his friends, and that he goes to Domino High.  
  
Okay, now its time for me to spy on him in person with my trusty assistant/minion/partner Bakura. We went to Domino High and waited outside the building for the place to let out. We heard a loud ringing and the doors flew open, floods of kids running out.  
  
"There! There's Yugi!" Bakura hissed, pointing at a little shrimp with HUGE ASS hair. It was red yellow black and pointy. Lots of pointy.  
  
"Damn!" I hissed. "Look at the hair on that little fucker! His hair is bigger than he is!"  
  
"He also has a group of friends he always hangs with," Bakura pointed to a couple guys and a girl.  
  
"Yes, we must eliminate them," I whispered. But that's for another time.  
  
Yugi and his friends walked to the end of the walkway and started hugging each other.  
  
"What are they doing?" I whispered to Bakura.  
  
"They're all touchy feely and crap like that."  
  
"Oh. It's quite disturbing."  
  
"I know."  
  
So Yugi's friends left, waving back at him and laughing stupidly. That's good. It's always best to observe your target when they are alone.  
  
"Okay Bakura pull out the map," I whispered. Bakura and I brought a map of the city and some crayons to mark his path home so that we may strike him in the future.  
  
I climbed up on a tree with a pair of binoculars. "Okay Bakura I'm gonna call out the names of the streets and how much he goes."  
  
"Okay," Bakura was holding a red crayon.  
  
"Tall Oak St....twenty five steps..no, wait, thirty two."  
  
"Okay, I'll estimate," Bakura stuck his tonuge out and curled it at the side of his lip, concentrating on the map.  
  
"He took a left...Bell St."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Fifteen steps." I squinted, trying to see the next street.  
  
WOOF WOOF! Whew, that kind of scared me.  
  
"What the fuck?" I turned around to see a HUGE dog behind me, trying to jump up the tree, luckily not getting too far. Bakura was standing there, frozen.  
  
"Oh, shit!" I screamed. "Bakura, what are you doing? Help me!"  
  
"What do you want me to do?"  
  
"I don't know! Throw a stick or something, maybe the dog will chase it!"  
  
"Um, okay," Bakura nervously picked up a stick. "Here, doggy doggy."  
  
The HUGE dog looked at Bakura a moment.  
  
"Fetch!" Bakura threw it. The dog ignored it and kept barking at me.  
  
"Okay, I'm gonna jump down and run like there's no tomorrow," I turned and jumped out of the tree.  
  
I hit the ground and started running like the wind, grabbing Bakura along the way.  
  
"AAHHH!" We screamed as the HUGE dog chased us for a while. Then I guess he got bored, because the HUGE dog turned and left.  
  
"Phew. Aw, man the shrimp is long gone now!"  
  
"Okay, grandpa, I'll be back home soon!" Yugi ran out of a building in front od us that said, 'Gameshop' on it.  
  
"Wow! We struck gold!" I pumped my fist in victory. See, everything always works out for the best.  
  
"Does he live here?" I asked, confused.  
  
"He did say, 'home," Bakura replied.  
  
"I know, but it's a shop."  
  
"Why don't we go in and ask," Bakura suggested.  
  
"Good idea Bakura. I knew I kept you around for a reason."  
  
Bakura and I walked in the Gameshop.  
  
"Can I help you?" An old man with the exact same HUGE POINTY hair as Yugi asked. "Oh, it's you Bakura! Along with a new friend!"  
  
"Um ...where's Yugi?" Bakura asked.  
  
"He went to the store for me. Want to wait here?"  
  
"No," I replied. "Thank you, but we'll drop by later." He he oh yes we will.  
  
"Okay! It was nice seeing you Bakura and.."  
  
"Marik," its usually pointless to give a fake name when someone asks. Unless its a cool name, like Mr. Burn or something.  
  
So we left the Gameshop, with more than we started-where the enemy lived! Some great precious info that will be very useful in the future!  
  
So there you have it, boys and girls, the work of pure genius. We are the coolest!  
  
Don't miss the next step-Obtaining The Evil Lair  
  
How was it? Please R&R! 


	3. Step 2: Obtaining the Evil Lair

K.A. Hi everybody. Well, Marik was somewhat pleased that we got some reviews, but he still wants more (baddies tend to be greedy) so please R&R to make him happy! And Marik thanks the people who did review, he says it keeps him inspired to give you more!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else I used. And if you attempt to try and take over the world and do stupid stuff, don't blame me or Marik's guide.  
  
*Gives the floor to Marik*  
  
Hello, my prodigies! Now that you know who the enemy is, it's time for another important step.  
  
Marik's Guide to World Domination: Step 2 Obtaining the Evil Lair.  
  
The evil lair is extremely important. The lair is where you will do most of your plotting against everyone, meet with your minions, keep your contraptions and tools, and sulk when plans go awry.  
  
So is the importance of the evil lair.  
  
Now there are a few important rules about evil lairs and your behaviors concerning them.  
  
First, a huge island shaped after you is NOT a good idea unless your enemy is a total idiot, which is not likely. Plus it costs a lot to keep it up.  
  
Don't make your evil lair too noticeable on the outside, so that the enemy will easily guess your whereabouts.  
  
Finally, when you do obtain the evil lair, don't be outside, you know, watering the garden and cutting the plants and stuff all the time. That's what minions are for, anyway.  
  
Now that you know the basic rules, I will again share our personal achievements with you to learn from.  
  
My evil lair, if you can call it that, was a boat for the longest time.  
  
Hey, we all start somewhere. I sailed in from Egypt.  
  
After we had found out where Yugi/Yami lived, Bakura and I started to think about our own personal evil lair.  
  
I was sitting in my boat, contemplating the questions of life, when Bakura brought in the some ads from people selling houses.  
  
"Here I found some help for getting a lair," Bakura set the papers down in front of me."  
  
"Thank you my servant."  
  
"Damn it Marik I'm not a minion, I'm your trusted partner," Bakura glared at me.  
  
"Man, I really want a minion." Maybe that will be the next step.  
  
"So how much money do we have?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Um...none?" I shrugged.  
  
"How the hell are we supposed to get a lair if we have no money?!" Bakura asked in a high voice.  
  
"Bakura, we're the evil bad guys! We're supposed to steal one or something!" I rolled my eyes at him.  
  
"Oh, yeah, Marik what's your great plan to steal a HOUSE?"  
  
"Hm..I can use my millennium rod to mind control someone into giving me one."  
  
"Marik, that's not fair!"  
  
"Bakura, that's why I'm the leader and you're not. We aren't supposed to play fair. Now let's go con someone out of their house."  
  
Bakura and I left the 'artificial lair' aka the boat in search for a house. We were walking down the sidewalk of Domino City when Bakura spotted an old lady with thick gray hair, wearing coke-bottle glasses and a dress with flowers on it.  
  
"Granny!" He screamed, running to her with open arms.  
  
"Fuck," I whispered to myself.  
  
"Bakura? Bakura!" His grandmother enveloped him in a tight hug. How special.  
  
"Aww how touchy feely," said in disgust at Bakura, who blushed.  
  
"Aww Bakura who's your little friend?" His granny asked.  
  
Little friend? I refrained myself from saying something snide because Bakura is my closest ally. See, I'm nice when I want to be. But I try not to make it a habit.  
  
"Marik, this is my grandma," Bakura introduced excitedly. "Granny, Marik, my best friend."  
  
"Hello Mrs. Bakura's Granny," I said politely.  
  
"Aww he is just so cute!" Bakura's granny smiled. "He looks like a nice young man! I'll bet he is just the most helpful caring young man, isn't he?" She cooed at me like I was two.  
  
Bakura gave me a pleading look. I grinned.  
  
"Marik I bet you get straight A's in school, don't you?" His granny asked me in that same coo voice.  
  
"...Sure," I replied.  
  
"So what are you little darlings up to today?" Granny asked.  
  
"Finding an evil lair for our plan of world domination," Bakura blurted out in one breath.  
  
"Bakura!" I threw up my arms in defeat. "Dam-um, Darn it!"  
  
"Whoops," Bakura looked away.  
  
"Aww you little boys and your games!" Bakura's grandmother giggled. "I'll tell you what. I live all alone in my big house and don't use my basement. Why don't you use that for your games. And I'll even bake you cookies!"  
  
She looked at Bakura. "I'll tell your parent you're staying with me a while." Well, at least until after we conquer the world.  
  
"Oooh I love your cookies, granny!" Bakura replied excitedly.  
  
"Hmm.." Well, it was free. And if she lived alone, we would have privacy, considering I knew she thought we were playing 'kids games.'  
  
"Okay, thank you. I'm gonna go get my stuff. Come help me Bakura."  
  
"Wait, you're moving in?" Granny asked.  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
"But... your parents-?"  
  
"I don't have parents."  
  
"Aww poor boy! I'll take you in!" Granny hugged Bakura excitedly. "Isn't this exciting? A new roomie!"  
  
Bakura nodded." See, my granny is cool."  
  
If we do take over the world, I'll make sure his granny lives comfortably.  
  
So we got my stuff and officially moved into our new evil lair. Granny's house was HUGE and the basement was HUGE too. It was great. The basement itself was like a house.  
  
"Okay Bakura we have to decorate our new lair," I suggested.  
  
"Okay."  
  
We hit granny up for some money, who gladly gave while cooing at how adorable we were.  
  
We went into a local store.  
  
"Okay Bakura I'm getting the computer (granny gave alot of money. She's rich) get some stuff to decorate and shit."  
  
"Okay." Bakura took off. I went to the computer section of the store and got the black one because black and red are my fav colors. After I ordered it Bakura came up to me with a shopping cart.  
  
"Well?" I asked.  
  
"Look!" Bakura giddily shouted. "I found some Superman bed sheets!"  
  
"Bakura we're bad guys."  
  
"And I found some Yu-Gi-Oh pillows!" Bakura held up some pillows with Yugi's smiling mug on them.  
  
I grabbed the pillows in disgust. "BAKURA, YOU IDIOT! HE IS THE ENEMY!" I hit him over the head with the forsaken pillow and threw it aside.  
  
"I thought it was cool," Bakura whimpered.  
  
"Yeesh! Come on!" I dragged Bakura through the store, picking out COOL stuff for the lair like black pillows, and sheets with flames on them.  
  
"Look!" Bakura pointed at one of those signs you put up in front of your house, like "Santa comes here!" and crap like that.  
  
"So?" I asked.  
  
Bakura pulled one out. It said "This is the lair of evil."  
  
"Bakura that is soo retarded. Put it back."  
  
"Look, why don't we put it up?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Because if we do, the enemy will know where the baddies live."  
  
"Ah-ha!" Bakura smiled. "The good guys would think that bad guys wouldn't be stupid enough to put this up. Therefore if we do, the good guys won't think that our place is the real evil lair!"  
  
"Hmm. Good point. What the fuck. Let's get one." We took it and a bunch of other stuff and paid for it.  
  
We decorated the lair. It had a dark brooding feel to it. I liked it. Our things were all dark colors, but were all put up neatly because I'm a neat freak.  
  
And that's how we obtained our evil lair.  
  
Watch out for when we finally go recruit some evil minions in step 3. Until then, good luck in your undergoings.  
  
K.A: Well, what do you think? Please R&R! 


	4. Step 3: Obtaining an Evil Minion

K.A. Step 3 hehe .Thank you to the people who reviewed. Marik and I were pleased. But, of course, Marik wants more because he's greedy. Thanks forreading and enjoy!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi_oh or anything else I use!  
  
Marik's Guide To World Domination: Step # 3 Obtaining the Evil Minions  
  
Hello, my little prodigies. After obtaining the evil lair, it's on to the part we've all been waiting for..the MINIONS! Yea!  
  
Okay, now for the usual. I give words of wisdom, and then tell of our experiences.  
  
A few words on minions:  
  
First, it's best to make your minions as stupid as possible. Stupid people follow orders better. Smart people, like Seto Kaiba, are better for an alliance (that's coming up, by the way).  
  
Next, it's best to have more than one minion. The more the merrier, but don't get more than you can control, because they might try to overtake you and your evil empire. That would be bad and might call for serious action.  
  
A chain of command is key. After me is Bakura, who will deal with the underlings, so I don't have to hear their stupid little stories.  
  
Now, on with the search.  
  
I was in our EVIL lair pondering on the best way to recruit some minions, when Bakura ran in with a newspaper excitedly.  
  
"Hey, Marik!"  
  
"What?" I asked suspiciously.  
  
"I solved our minion problem!" Bakura grinned widely.  
  
"Oooh you got some? Let me see!"  
  
Bakura whipped out the newspaper. "Look, they'll be coming by the millions!"  
  
I read where Bakura had circled:  
  
WANTED: EVIL MINIONS  
Play Duel Monsters all day, get paid!  
Requirements: Must be slow and obidient.  
Come to Bakura's Grandmother's House. The  
Sign in the front points to the evil lair.  
  
"BAKURA YOU RETARD!" I screamed.  
  
"What?" Bakura asked innocently. "I was trying to get some minions!"  
  
"Now everyone will know where our evil lair is! Thanks alot, asshole!"  
  
"Don't call me an asshole! How the hell else do you expect to get some minions?" Bakura flapped his arms wildly at me, starting a sissy fight.  
  
"You want a piece of me?" I asked, flapping my arms back wildly, trying to fend him off.  
  
We were interrupted by a question...NNOOO That brat found us!!!  
  
"Hello? Am I in the right place?" Yugi asked  
  
Bakura and I froze.  
  
"Look what you did butthead," I hissed at Bakura.  
  
"I'm not slow...but I can play Duel Monsters!" Yugi said cheerily.  
  
"I'm slow, though!" Yugi's blond friend ran up. "It's me, Joey, remember?"  
  
"Did you know you have a sign in you front yard that said, "This is the Lair of Evil?" Yugi asked.  
  
"That's because it is," I snapped. "What the fuck are you doing here?"  
  
"Wow Bakura your friend sure cracks me up!" Joey laughed.  
  
"We came here for the job! Play all day and get paid." Yugi smiled.  
  
"Well, sorry, but we're full," I sneered.  
  
"I don't see anybody here!"  
  
Yugi backed up and tripped over something, knocking over a stack of my...ahem..magazines.  
  
"EWW!!! PORNO!!!" Yugi screamed shrilly, jumping away from it.  
  
"OOH! Let me see! Let me see!" Joey grabbed one, and I snatched it out of his hand.  
  
"That's MY magazine asshole! Get your own!"  
  
"My dad won't buy them for me!"  
  
Bakura picked one up. "Why are the pages stuck together?"  
  
I blushed furiously.  
  
"EEWW THAT IS SSSOOOO GROSS!" Yugi screamed. "I'm telling your grandma!"  
  
"MY grandma is dead, you moron," I snapped.  
  
Yugi's eyes got watery. "Aw, I'm sorry!" He went to hug me, but I quickly pushed him off and he fell on the floor, on his ass.  
  
I laughed at him. "Ha ha."  
  
I must get rid of Yugi...I know!  
  
"Hey Yugi, go wait for me in my bed," I said, trying not to shudder at the thought. "I'll be there in a moment," I added seductively.  
  
"Oh, um... well...I need to help Gramps. Bye," Yugi zipped out the door.  
  
"Yeah..." Joey left right behind him.  
  
"SEE ASSHOLE?" I yelled. "That's why you don't put ads in the paper for minions! Stupid!"  
  
Bakura laughed. "Wait for me in my bed? He he."  
  
"I had to say something!"  
  
We were interrupted again, by a bunch of five-year-olds  
  
"What the fuck do you want?" I asked.  
  
"Uh..we saw the ad." One of them said.  
  
"Yeah. We can fight good until seven o clock, because that's our bedtime."  
  
"Hey, that's my bedtime, too!" Bakura said excitedly.  
  
I hit him upside the head. "You DON'T have a bedtime, dummy! You're evil, remember?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"I'm sorry little kids but we need big people to help us dominate the world, but come back in about ten years, okay?" I said.  
  
They nodded and left.  
  
Next in was a bunch of Granny's old friends.  
  
"Aww aren't you two just darling?" One of them asked. "Myrtle (Bakura's granny) said you needed some help."  
  
"We don't know how to play this...duel monsters, but we know how to play Bridge!"  
  
"Umm..."  
  
"I can fight!" One of granny's friends went for a kick, but fell and broke her hip.  
  
Everyone stared at Marik a minute.  
  
"I hope you're not expecting me to call 911 or something," I snapped.  
  
I rolled her out of the basement using the wheelchair ramp.  
  
"Marik, you're SUCH A BIG MEANIE!" Bakura whined after the granny's left.  
  
"I'm a BADGUY! What the hell do you expect?!"  
  
Bakura is so slow sometimes.  
  
"That's it! I'm going out getting my own minions!" I snapped.  
  
I went out on the street, found three kids and one adult.  
  
Rex Raptor, Weevil Underwood, Bandit Keith and Bones.  
  
"Hey guys, are you evil?" I asked.  
  
"Yup." Weevil answered.  
  
"Good. Come be my minions. You get paid." By Bakura's granny. He he.  
  
"Okay," they all agreed.  
  
Ahh, easy as baking a pie. Speaking of that....  
  
We went back to the evil lair.  
  
"I like the sign," Keith answered.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Bakura was baking a pie in the evil lair.  
  
"Bakura, what are you doing?" I asked angrily.  
  
"Baking an apple pie. Want some?"  
  
"NO! EVIL PEOPLE DON'T DO CRAP LIKE BAKING!" I yelled.  
  
"I can make a killer strawberry cake," Keith said  
  
And from that day forth, Keith, Bones, Weevil and Rex became our minions.  
  
Join us next week for a step that is necessary even though I don't want to do it......pretending to befriend the enemy.  
  
K.A: Please R&R! Thanks! 


	5. Step 4: Pretending to Befriend the Enemy

K.A.: Hey guys! Well, here it is! I hope you like!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else I use. Thank you.  
  
Mariks Guide to World Dominaion: Step 4: Pretending to befriend the Enemy  
  
Hello my fans/students, and welcome to the fourth step to world domination. We are making quite some progress, aren't we?  
  
Now is time for one of the most annoying, but helpful step on the list. Pretending to befriend the enemy! Then, when they think that you are on their side, BAM! Catching your enemy off guard is priceless.  
  
Now for my words of wisdom:  
  
When you "befriend" the enemy, it's always fun to annoy them as much as possible... but don't get so annoying that they get suspicious. That's uncool.  
  
When you pretend to befriend the enemy, you might have to do stuff you don't want to... but sacrifices must be made.  
  
Since Yugi went to Domino high, I decided the best way to approach friendship was to enroll and be in all Yugi's classes. Plus Bakura was already in all of Yugi's classes, too.  
  
I used my "powers of persuasion" to do that and become a student.  
  
The next day I went to school with Bakura. He led me to the classroom and we sat in the back.  
  
"Yugi always sits right here," Bakura pointed to the seat in front of me.  
  
"Excellent.." I murmured.  
  
Yugi and his little fanclub walked in. Yugi looked at me and hesitated a moment.  
  
"Hey, Yugi! Remember me?" I asked in my fake voice.  
  
"Yeah..." Yugi replied slowly, pulling his seat away from me a little.  
  
Oh yeah, that comment I made about waiting in the bed when he busted in my lair.  
  
"Oh, Yugi! I was just joking!" I waved it off. Yeah, the thought of that made me wanna blow huge ass chunks anyway.  
  
"Yes, Marik is quite the jokester," Bakura nodded. "Please don't take it too seriously, Yugi."  
  
"You're right, Bakura," Yugi grinned at me. "I'm sorry. I took you too seriously. I guess I'm just like that." Yeah, you stupid little asshole. Grr I'm so pissed off already!  
  
"It's cool. I'm sorry I scared you." Ugh. I hate this stupid nice crap.  
  
"Hey, Marik. How about you and Bakura come to my sleepover?" Yugi asked. "We're having a sleepover party for my birthday."  
  
Aww, fuck. A lame little sleepover.  
  
Well, you gotta do what you gotta do.  
  
"I'm cool," I looked at Bakura and nodded.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"It's tonight."  
  
Tonight?! What the fuck?  
  
"Okay." So it was settled. I would go to this dumb thing and hopefully make someone cry or something.  
  
I gave Yugi my biggest, fakest smile. "I can't wait!"  
  
When Bakura and I returned to the lair, we grabbed our stuff. We decided not to bring torture devices or anything. It would look questionable.  
  
We went to the little gameshop and gramps answered it.  
  
"Oh, hey guys! Just in time for the excitement!" Gramps exclaimed.  
  
Whoop dee doo.  
  
Bakura and I went to Yugi's weak room. It had posters of duel monsters and stuff.  
  
"Hey, guys! You're the first to the fun factory!" Yugi happily shouted.  
  
That was retarded. Man, if someone else makes another moronic remark or anything, I'm gonna scream.  
  
"Hey, guys! The fun train has arrived! Choo-choo!" Joey came in, his arms making circular motions like a train. The girl and two other guys followed him, imitaing him and trying to look like a train.  
  
"Oh, cool! I wanna hop on the train of fun!" Yugi jumped behind the dude in the back. "Marik, Bakura, I know you wanna take a ride on the fun train!"  
  
No, I wanna take a ride on the please-kill-me-now-to-stop-the-torture train.  
  
"No, that's okay," I turned to Bakura so the others couldn't see me, and rolled my eyes.  
  
"Okay, guys let's stop here and play pin the tail on the donkey!" Yugi jumped up and down like an idiot.  
  
What are we playing?  
  
Yugi shoved a picture of a tailess donkey on his wall. And pulled out a little fluffy thing, the tail, I guess, with a huge needle thingy to pin it up.  
  
Hehe. You know what I'm thinking!  
  
"Who wants to go first!" Yugi asked.  
  
"OOH! ME! ME!" The girl screamed flapping her arms around wildly. Geez, calm the fuck down! You're acting like you won a cruise or something!  
  
"Okay, Tea!" Yugi blindfolded her and gave her the tail. She walked to the wall and pinned the tail nowhere on the picture. It figures.  
  
"Ha ha you missed!" The boy with black hair pointed and laughed at her. He he. Maybe this one is the least dorky of all of them.  
  
"Why don't you try, Duke?" Tea asked brightly.  
  
"Okay." Duke was blindfolded and he pinned the tail on the head of the donkey. Man, this shit was boring.  
  
Joey went next and bumped smack into the wall. Ha ha.  
  
"Ow!" He rubbed his head.  
  
"Are you okay?" Yugi asked. Yeah, it's not like I give a shit or anything.  
  
A guy with hair that looked like a huge point sticking out of his forehead or something went next. He missed too. No, shit. This game is soo lame and pointless.  
  
"I'll go," I volunteered.  
  
Yugi blindfolded me. I heard him turn around, and I pinned the tail on his ass.  
  
Yea! I won!  
  
"OWWWWW!!" Yugi cried, rubbing it. "Marik! Ow! That hurt!"  
  
"Oh, geez, Yugi I'm so sorry! I got really confused!" I used my fake voice again. "I was blindfolded!"  
  
"It's okay," Yugi answered. What a doofus. I saw Bakura trying to hold in his snickers.  
  
I was content for the rest of the night, until the cake was pulled out.  
  
"Yeah! Cake!" Joey cheered.  
  
Gramps came, cut the cake, and gave us each a HUGE piece. I took a tiny bite. It was actually pretty good. Then I felt something hit my face.  
  
"He he That's revenge for poking me!" Yugi giggled.  
  
Oh no he just did not!  
  
I took my whole HUGE piece and threw it at him hard.  
  
THWOP! Yugi's head snapped back slightly and he fell backwards out of the chair on the ground. Hehe.  
  
"Ahh! Marik! You didn't have to throw it so hard!" Yugi cried, laughing.  
  
Aww now his HUGE POINTY hair is fucked up! But the worst part was that Yugi was LAUGHING! That's right, LAUGHING! I didn't feel like causing anymore trouble that night, so I endured a dumb little movie that I don't even remember.  
  
Okay, it takes a lot to get to him. That's what I found out that night. Hmm.. I'm gonna have to work harder than I originally intended to get to. That pisses me off.  
  
So now, I need... some help! Next, I will try to form an alliance...with the most powerful person in Domino... you probably know who he is...  
  
Until then, good luck!  
  
K.A.: Okay... wow... I was LMAO when I wrote this! I hope you are too! Please R&R!! 


	6. Step 5: Obtaining an Ally

K.A: Here's more! Thanks for the reviews and I hope this meets up to your expectations!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Teletubbies or YuGiOh or anything else I use.  
  
Warning: I don't mean to offend anybody with this material, and please dont blame this guide if you get in trouble.  
  
Marik's guide to world domination  
  
Hey, guys! Now it's time for alliances!  
  
Alliances are different from minions in quite a few ways. Alliances are generally harder to come by than minions, and usually need more bribery to get them on your side.  
  
Allies are a whole lot smarter than minions, so you must tread carefully.  
  
My advice is to drop hints at first. Some will respond, some won't. If that doesn't work, ask them outright. If they don't cooperate, then it's time to get nasty. Let me tell you about how we obtained our ally.  
  
"So, Bakura, who do you suggest that we try to obtain for an ally?" I asked my faithful friend.  
  
"Seto Kaiba."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Seto Kaiba," Bakura nodded. "He is the most powerful man in Domino. He has a ton of money and owns his own company."  
  
"Kick ass," I nodded eagerly.  
  
"He might be hard to get, but it will definitely be worth it."  
  
"I expected no less." I love challenges.  
  
So then I called in the minions to try and devise a way to ask Seto Kaiba to join us without actually asking, if you get my drift.  
  
"So what do you guys suggest?" I asked after I let them talk amongst themselves.  
  
"We decided that we should bake a cake," Bones announced.  
  
What the fuck? A cake?  
  
"No way that's stupid girly shit," I shook my head. My minions have disappointed me.  
  
"Everyone loves cakes!" Keith said.  
  
"I don't," I retorted. "You people are retards."  
  
"That's because you're a meanie," Bakura butted in. "Stop it! I think a cake is a wonderful, magical idea."  
  
"Bakura, don't you dare turn into a fairy on me!" He was creeping me out. A "magical" idea?  
  
"Let's try it."  
  
"Fine," I sighed. I'll blame Bakura if anything goes wrong.  
  
"Yea, Marik!" Bakura pumped his fist in the air. "What flavor?"  
  
"I don't give a shit." Really, I didn't.  
  
"Vanilla," Weevil suggested.  
  
"No way. Chocolate," Raptor argued.  
  
"Guys, I think strawberry is great."  
  
Fuck, now they're arguing about the damn flavor of the stupid thing.  
  
"Vanilla."  
  
"Chocolate."  
  
"Vanilla."  
  
"NO! Strawberry!"  
  
"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE HELL UP?!" I screamed. "Look, I'll fuckin choose. Geez, do I have to everything myself around here?"  
  
"Yes," Bakura answered.  
  
"I choose...strawberry."  
  
"Aww!" Rex and Weevil moaned.  
  
So, they made the cake and showed it to me.  
  
"Ta-da!" Keith unveiled a huge cake with a picture of the world on it, and figurines Bakura and I, with huge goofy ass grins on our faces, were holding hands with Kaiba. The words, "this can be ours" was under it.  
  
I stared at IT for a few moments, trying to take in the...thing in front of me. "This.... is the stupidest, gayest crap I have ever seen. I don't like it."  
  
"Aww! It's soo cute!" Bakura squealed when he saw "IT."  
  
"Bakura!" I whined. "We are supposed to hate cute dumb shit like this! We're EVIL!"  
  
"Okay, we give it to him in class tomorrow!" Bakura was ecstatic.  
  
Oh, another thing. What is the most powerful person doing in high school?  
  
Anyway, the next day, Bakura and I presented the cake to Kaiba.  
  
"Hey, Seto Kaiba!" I said in my fake voice.  
  
Kaiba looked at me like I was a fly on his arm. Great, I can already tell he's gonna piss me off. "What?" He asked impatiently.  
  
"Here, we made a cake for you," Bakura took the cover off and put it on Kaiba's desk.  
  
He stared at it, lip curled up in half amusement, half confusion.  
  
And stared. And stared. And stared.  
  
And stared some more.  
  
One more agonizing minute of staring until...  
  
"WHAT... THE... FUCK... IS... THIS?" Kaiba sneered.  
  
"It's a cake. For you," I pointed at the figurines of us. "See?"  
  
Kaiba nodded, horror stricken. "Yeah. I see. You are a sick, demented weirdo. Get away from me."  
  
I jumped back in shock. "What, you don't like it?"  
  
"Just get away from me, okay? I don't swing that way."  
  
Swing what way? ...oh...OH! Oh, wait, ew!  
  
"Oh, it's not like THAT, Kaiba," I assured him quickly.  
  
"Then what the hell are you saying? We're holding hands like a bunch of cupcakes."  
  
"No, we want you to join us," Bakura piped up.  
  
"In what? Not in bed."  
  
"Oh, I mean taking over the world."  
  
Kaiba did that staring thing again.  
  
"See," I pointed to the world. "That can be ours if you join us and be our ally."  
  
"No."  
  
"What?" No, no! He's supposed to go, "sure!"  
  
"Why?" I asked.  
  
"Because you're a dimwit and your friend is even worse."  
  
Hey, did he just call me a dimwit? Okay.. I'll ignore it for now. We need a plan B.  
  
"Fine," I snapped, dragging Bakura away.  
  
Bakura told me Kaiba had a little brother named Mokuba. We decided to kidnap him and use him to lure Kaiba into a partnership.  
  
Bakura led the way to the house. It was just me and him, because I sent the minions to do housework.  
  
The Kaiba's live in the biggest ass house I have ever seen in my life. I knocked on the door and a little boy with black hair answered.  
  
"Are you Mokuba?" I asked.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Good." I grabbed him and started to drag him out the door.  
  
"AHH!!" Mokuba screamed.  
  
"Shut up little boy," I sneered.  
  
"Screw you, asshole!" Then the little fucker kicked me in the shin.  
  
"OW YOU LITTLE ASS!" I screamed, letting him go and grabbing my leg. Damn, that hurt.  
  
"So that's why Seto told me to never answer the door to strangers," Mokuba ran back in the house and slammed the door shut.  
  
"Bakura, why didn't you go for the little fucker?" I moaned, holding my leg in pain. That little shithead could kick.  
  
"I got scared," Bakura whined.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "You are such a dork."  
  
Now its time to get extreme.  
  
The next day, resting after that stupid little fucker Mokuba kicked me, we decided to storm Kaibacorp, the little company Seto owns.  
  
We walked into the building, and no one was paying attention to us.  
  
I grabbed a lady who happened to be walking by. "Okay, we're here to take over your company!" I said.  
  
"Go ahead. I don't care. In fact, I'll help you," the lady led me to some folders and pulled out some papers.  
  
"Just sign these and go into Seto's office, and you will have officially taken over Kaibacorp."  
  
"Great." Ahh, I love when stuff works out like this and people cooperate.  
  
We signed the papers and entered Seto's office, and did a little redecorating...  
  
Then the great Kaiba walked in.  
  
"MY OFFICE!" He screeched, looking around. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY OFFICE?!" We put pictures of Bakura and his granny up and me and my ever-loving sister Ishizu. And Bakura wanted a poster of Teletubbies, I didn't ask why and painted the desk black and put up these cool blinds over the windows. Bakura also wanted a white tiger, so one was in the corner...doing his business.  
  
"Hello, Kaiba," I used my menacing voice. "Welcome to your nightmare."  
  
"... What's going on?"  
  
"We have officially taken over your company," I sneered.  
  
"NO!" Kaiba screamed.  
  
"But," I put up a finger. "We can...negotiate."  
  
"You want me to help you with your world thing?"  
  
"Yes," He he I'm loving this!  
  
"If I agree to help you, you will gimmie my company back?" Seto asked.  
  
"Yup. You will become our ally, and be on call whenever we decide we need you, no matter what you're doing, until our goal is met. Since you wanted to make this difficult, you will be at our beckon. Got it?" I pulled out a contract I made to seal the deal, and Seto signed it.  
  
"Oh, and I need to have a talk with that brother of yours," I added.  
  
So, Seto Kaiba officially became our bitch...I mean, ally after that. Yet again, genius at work people. Isn't it a beautiful thing?  
  
Next... how to handle your minions and more annoying little parties with Yugi and his little friends.  
  
K.A: Well? Please Review! 


	7. Step 6: Encountering Obstacles

Hey, guys. Marik would apologize for being so late, but he's too proud. so I'll do it. Sorry. Anyway, back to being evil!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nope I do not own YuGiOh or anything related to it. Not mine at all!  
  
And this is for FUN!!  
  
Marik's Guide to world domination  
  
Yes, my students, things like this happen to the best of us. well, duh, since it happened to me. setbacks.  
  
Yup, a setback has occurred.  
  
It started with my stupid minions slacking. then to me being stuck hanging around those goofy goody goodies.  
  
First things first.  
  
My minions. were pissing me off.  
  
Slackers! They are slackers! When I tell them, "Hey, slave, clean those windows!" They run off and play video games! I repeat myself over and over and they just wave me off until I'm forced to use my personal power of persuasion. Grr. I HATE a messy house. They don't listen to me at all lately.  
  
So they must be disciplined.  
  
Yes, my students, minions sometimes will band together and try to overthrow you. It's natural, but I don't know why. But the key is stopping them before their foul evil plans occur. So you must be harsh with them.  
  
"Let's make them bake us more cakes!" Bakura gleefully suggested.  
  
"Bakura, shut up."  
  
Bakura glared at me, eyes dark. "Don't tell me to shut up."  
  
I did a double take, surprised Bakura talked back to me. He never talks back to me!  
  
"Bakura, what's the matter?"  
  
Bakura shook his head. "Nothing Marik, do as you wish."  
  
Duh. I always do. Hmm hopefully Bakura will stop all this pansy crap now. Gotta watch him now.  
  
"Fine, leash them."  
  
"What?" Bakura asked, throwing me an odd look.  
  
"We will put them on leashes until they obey our every command. It's the easiest way."  
  
Bakura nodded. "Oooh, let's go to the store!"  
  
Bakura and I went to the store down the street to get the leashes. Nothing interesting happened except.  
  
We were walking by the magazine section, when I heard some childish giggling.  
  
"What's that noise?" I asked. I peered into the magazine section when I saw Joey looking at a.naughty magazine.  
  
"He he he," Joey giggled, turning the magazine and studying it. I looked at Bakura who was smiling and scratching his head.  
  
I tip toed behind Joey and grabbed his shoulders and jerked him back suddenly. "What are you doing?" I asked quickly.  
  
"AHHH!" Joey screamed. The magazine flew into the air and landed in front of us on the ground.  
  
"I swear, it was-" Joey started to screech, panicked. Then he saw it was me.  
  
"Oh, Marik, its you. Don't do that! You scared the shit outta me!"  
  
"Well, you are doing something you shouldn't be," I answered in a sing song voice, trying to be an ass on purpose. "Aww! You bad bad boy!"  
  
Joey blushed. "Gotta go, see you in school, Marik," he zipped off.  
  
Bakura found some bright neon pink leashes for our minions.  
  
We arrived back home.  
  
"Come, my minions!" I called out.  
  
No answer.  
  
"NOW!" I screamed. Bones, Keith, Weevil and Raptor were in formation in front of me in an instant.  
  
I smiled. "Good. These are yours," I pulled out the leashes. "You will wear them until you start doing as you are told."  
  
They bitched and moaned but they put them on. Good.  
  
When I go to school, I must put some chips and remote control them. I'll talk to Kaiba, our ally.  
  
The next day at school started out innocent enough. I sat behind that pointy haired little fuck, because the teacher didn't let us change seats after we sat on one once. So I was stuck. That's okay I'll survive.  
  
"Hey, Kaiba!" I waved.  
  
He offered me a slight smile. Aww.  
  
"I need something," I said to him.  
  
"What?"  
  
Some kind of device I can put in these collars I put on my minions so they will behave. A shock device, perhaps?"  
  
"You got it," Kaiba nodded. "I will have it prepared after school."  
  
"Excellent."  
  
"Guess, what, troops?" The teacher excitedly asked the class. I know it's stupid, but the teacher always calls us 'troops' and trooper.'  
  
"What, Mr. Blowbottom (A/N totally made up name!) ?" Yugi asked excitedly. Yeesh. There's nothing to get excited about, trooper.  
  
"We're going on a field trip!"  
  
The class suddenly burst out in cheers and claps very loudly. It annoyed me.  
  
"What's a field trip?" I asked. It must be good because everyone was so happy.  
  
"You don't know what a field trip is? Man, you must've been deprived where you lived." Joey laughed.  
  
No, I've just never been to school before, fucker. My sister tried to force me to go to school once.key word here is tried, folks.  
  
I forced out a fake laugh. "I guess so Joey."  
  
"Now you have to get these signed.." Mr. Blowwhatever passed around some sheets of paper with information on them.  
  
"We will be going to an amusement park. Since we can't walk around in a huge group, we will split up. Now, on this field trip we will split up into teams of three." Mr. Blowwhatever explained.  
  
I looked at Bakura and Kaiba.  
  
"I will choose the groups."  
  
WHAT?! NOOO!!!! Knowing my luck, I'll get paired with one of 'them.' I looked over at Yugi and his little team of stupid friendship-obsessed freaks.  
  
"First group is.." Mr. Blowwhatever looked down his roll.  
  
I crossed my fingers. "Please not the little fuck. Please not the little fuck. Please not the little fuck." I murmured to myself.  
  
"Yugi, Duke, and Marik."  
  
..  
  
..  
  
..  
  
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
WHY ME?!  
  
Damn my luck!  
  
Yugi turned around. "Wow! How cool is that!"  
  
Yes, it's very cool. I'm DYING of excitement.  
  
"Yes, I can't wait," I said in my lovable fake voice.  
  
"Awesome!" Duke ran to us and draped one of his little arms around my shoulders, and one around Yugi's.  
  
Must. resist urge..to hurt..  
  
I stared at the arm around me, willing it to go away. But Duke only proceeded to hold me closer to him, gently shaking my shoulders in excitement. It made me feel kind of.odd. I was about to just sock that boy, but I held back.  
  
Being patient is key to taking over the world.  
  
"I know!" Yugi wrapped his arms around Duke and they sat there hugging for like, ten minutes. Unfortunately, Duke kept a grip of his own locked extremely tight on me, like he knew I hated it, so I had to be up close and personal to all of this disgusting crap. I felt nauseated.  
  
I couldn't take this anymore. Man, now I'm starting to wonder about these people. How close friends are they, anyway? I looked around the classroom. Apparently, other groups were already assigned and Bakura and Kaiba were in a group together, pointing at me and snickering so only I saw.  
  
Man, I'm sooo pissed off. I feel so violated!  
  
But then Tea excitedly jumped in between Bakura and Kaiba and started talking a mile a minute.  
  
Ha ha they got Tea. I felt better.  
  
I turned my attention back to Duke and Yugi.  
  
"Well, Marik, what do you think?" Yugi asked.  
  
"About what?" I asked, trying to hide my annoyance.  
  
"About our plans, silly," Duke gripped my shoulders playfully.  
  
Okay, WHOA! Back it up! This isn't cool!  
  
Thankfully, Duke let go of me. Whew!  
  
"Um, they're fine."  
  
"Cool, so tomorrow night we crash at my place."  
  
What? What the hell did I just miss?  
  
"Yeah," Yugi must've seen the look of confusion on my face. "We crash at my place tomorrow night so in the morning we all go together so we can sit on the bus together and be prepared and in our group already!"  
  
"Yea! Sleepover! Sleepover!" Duke clapped excitedly.  
  
. I don't know if I want to go to a sleepover with Duke the fairy. I looked at him. He was playing with this dice he had hanging off his ear, smiling probably at the prospect of seeing me in my jammies. I shivered in disgust at that thought.  
  
"I have an idea! Lets invite Tea and her group!" Yugi suggested.  
  
"But Kaiba's in their group." Duke looked nervous. I smiled. Oh, if I'm there, he is definitely going to be there.  
  
"I'll ask them," I volunteered. I walked over to their group.  
  
"Oh, hi Marik!" Tea greeted (think of the stereotypical airhead) .  
  
"Hey. guys, do you want to come with us to a sleepover tomorrow night?" I asked sweetly, throwing Bakura a look and mentally trying to tell him to agree. Damn if I'm going alone.  
  
"HELL NO-" Kaiba started but Bakura roughly elbowed him.  
  
"OOOH!" Tea squealed happily. "I LOVE SLEEPPOVERS! WE HAD SSOOOO MUCH FUN LAST TIME! HEY, I KNOW! WHY DON'T WE BRAID EACH OTHERS HAIR, MARIK?"  
  
If that stupid bimbo comes within three feet of my precious golden locks, I swear she'll regret it the rest of her stupid little life.  
  
"Like, no, that's okay, he he!" I squeaked, mocking her.  
  
"I'd love to come, Marik," Bakura answered jollily.  
  
"That, is like, so cool!" It was actually amusing to talk like that. "Seto?"  
  
Kaiba looked like he was in the Dentists about to have a tooth pulled. "Um, hell no I wouldn't miss this! Of course. I have nothing planned."  
  
Tea jumped back in surprise. "YEA!"  
  
I sauntered back to Yugi and Duke.  
  
"Everyone will be there."  
  
"Even Kaiba?" Yugi asked nervously.  
  
"Yup."  
  
Yugi and Duke threw each other a look of surprise.  
  
"I'm so excited!" I exclaimed, in my fake voice, of course.  
  
"Me too! And Kaiba's coming! I knew he wanted to be my friend!" Yugi squealed.  
  
"He's a softie at heart," Duke whispered. "Just like you, Marik," then he came and patted me on the head.  
  
. WHAT ...THE . FUCK? He PATTED me on the head.  
  
He will pay.  
  
Duke giggled and blushed.  
  
Oh..geez...  
  
Next time is surviving crisis... until then, be careful my followers..  
  
K.A. - I know its been a while, but I'm motivated now! I might write another today! Please R&R an tell me what you think. 


	8. Step 7: Surviving Crisis, Part 1

Hey guys! Marik likes reviews! Anyway, more badness!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or Twister or anything related to them!  
  
This is for fun!  
  
Marik's guide to world domination  
  
After school, Bakura and Kaiba and I went to the mansion of you-know-who. Kaiba led us to his big-ass living room that has all this expensive breakable shit.  
  
"Okay I'll be back in five with your things, please don't break anything."  
  
"Yes, mommy," I sneered.  
  
Bakura and I sat in companionable silence until Kaiba came back.  
  
"I just want you to know that I hate you for the slumber party thing," Kaiba threw me a package.  
  
"I love you too," I replied sweetly.  
  
"What the hell are we going to do there?" Kaiba asked me nervously.  
  
"Oh the usual. sit there and hug each other drinking kool-aid and talking about how the power of friendship can get us through anything and then have Tea sit there and giggle and squeal and shit."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Well, if the three of us are there, it won't be so bad, right?" Kaiba asked.  
  
"Well, they're going to do all they can to drag you to the dark side," I said darkly. "You must do all you can to not let them suck you in."  
  
"Yeah, they're not going to rest until they have you caught in their little friendship crap, too," Bakura added.  
  
I nodded. "Yes. You must be strong. Resist!"  
  
"I am," Kaiba sneered. "I won't let them suck me in."  
  
I looked at Bakura. EVIL people like us could survive unharmed, but I don't know about Kaiba.  
  
"Just keep your guard up and if you feel yourself being part of their little group, stop what you're doing and throw something at Yugi. Then you will remember how fun it is to pick on him."  
  
Kaiba nodded.  
  
"I'm serious, they will do all they can to ensnare especially you, Kaiba. You're a big catch for them and they will seize this opportunity to have you. But you're already mine."  
  
Kaiba rolled his eyes.  
  
"Anyway, I gotta go see you later," Bakura and I left.  
  
We went back to the lair and attached the shock devices Kaiba gave us on the collars. The minions protested.  
  
"This is inhumane! How could you do this to us?" Bones shouted.  
  
"Well, maybe if you would do you what you were told, we wouldn't have to do this!" I screamed back.  
  
"I quit!" Keith snarled.  
  
"You quit, you die," I glared at them. "This is a life-long job. You only quit if you die."  
  
"Look, assholes, just shut up and do as your told. If you're good, we'll take them off," Bakura snapped.  
  
We all stared at him a moment, surprised.  
  
"Let's go bake a cake!" Bakura skipped to the kitchen.  
  
The next day at school went by fast unfortunately. Probably because of the horror that will commence tonight.  
  
Maybe it's just me, but I think Duke was looking at me the entire day, probably thinking of me without my clothes on. Actually I think he was stalking me.  
  
I went into the lunch-line that day with Bakura and Kaiba. The food here is questionable. I threw a hamburger patty at some random person's head and they had to get stitches.  
  
Anyway, so right after I got in line I felt a tap on my back.  
  
"Hey, buddy." It was Duke. Dammit!  
  
"Hey," I replied listlessly hoping he would go away.  
  
"I love your shirt! It looks good on you," Duke was talking about my purple belly shirt I decided to wear that day. I self-consciously tried to pull it down. Damn him for looking!  
  
"No no no!" Duke shouted. "Don't do that! It looks good! You have such a nice, toned stomach!"  
  
Which makes me feel better.  
  
"Thanks, Duke," I said in my fake voice.  
  
Duke nodded and shoved himself right up against me. "Are you ready for tonight?" He asked in a seductive tone.  
  
"Ah-ha!" I shouted. I KNEW it!  
  
Duke giggled. "I was just joking about that. What's the ah-ha for?"  
  
Yeah, yeah nice cover up, buddy.  
  
"Nothing," I shrugged.  
  
I got my food and darted away from Duke to a table with only three seats, which Bakura, Kaiba and I occupied.  
  
"I'm telling you guys, he likes me LIKE THAT," I told them when I sat down.  
  
"Marik, you are being so paranoid," Kaiba rolled his eyes.  
  
"No way! Tonight, when I fall asleep. He'll see it as an opportunity to take advantage of me!"  
  
Then guess who showed up?  
  
"Hey, guys!" Duke screamed. "Aw, no room for me?"  
  
"No, sorry," that's right, I don't want to be near your royal fairyness.  
  
"OKAY!" Then Duke plopped down in my lap.  
  
"EEK!" I quickly stood up. Duke fell on the ground, on his ass. HA HA.  
  
"Ah! Marik, that was mean!" Yugi piped up out of nowhere.  
  
"You're right. I'm sorry," I used my fake voice.  
  
"It's okay. I mean, we're all bestest friends, right?" Duke smiled.  
  
Is bestest a word?  
  
They left, waving and shouting that they couldn't wait for tonight.  
  
"SEE!" I hissed when they were out of sight. "Duke wants me!"  
  
Bakura and Kaiba rolled their eyes. "How do you know for sure?" Kaiba asked.  
  
"Well, duh! I mean, who wouldn't want this sexy piece of ass?" I twirled around.  
  
After school, Bakura and I were walking home. Kaiba went to pick up his little brother, that little shit who kicked me before.  
  
"Look, it's Marik and Bakura! Hey guys!" I heard Yugi shout from behind.  
  
Aw, fuck.  
  
I turned around to see Yugi Joey and...Duke.  
  
"Hey, Marik!" Duke waved stupidly.  
  
Aw, now why did I have to get my own special greeting from him?  
  
"We're going to go get stuff for tonight!" Yugi squealed.  
  
"Ice cream, ice cream!" Joey shouted.  
  
"Hey, Marik do you like whipped cream?" Duke asked grinning.  
  
What? What does that mean?  
  
"On your ice cream," he added, smirking.  
  
"No." He was pissing me off. I mean REALLY pissing me off.  
  
"Oooh can you get some cake mix and we can make a cake?" Bakura asked giddily.  
  
Bakura! I elbowed him. "Shut the fuck up!" I whispered.  
  
"Might as well get some free cake!"  
  
"OOHH THAT SOUNDS FUN!" Yugi screamed. "YEAH, LETS MAKE A CAKE!"  
  
"And we can play Twister!" Duke shouted. "I love Twister, don't you Marik?"  
  
"I never played it," I replied.  
  
"Ooh, you have to play with me!" Duke said dreamily.  
  
What kind of game is this, "Twister?"  
  
"Oh, Tea wants us to do each other's hair!" Yugi added.  
  
Damn her!  
  
"Oooh yeah, that sounds like fun! I wanna do your hair, Marik," Duke pointed at me.  
  
"No, Tea has dibs on him."  
  
That's it!  
  
Tonight is the night.  
  
Where I will go insane.  
  
Why do they have to be like this?  
  
Why?  
  
I looked at Bakura, who looked like he was lost.  
  
"This is going to be the longest night ever," he whispered.  
  
"Hey guys, why don't you bring a movie for us to watch?" Yugi said.  
  
"You wouldn't like the movies I watch," I replied.  
  
"Sure, bring it," Yugi nodded.  
  
He he I will bring the most bloody violent movie I could find.  
  
"Okay here are the sleeping arrangements," Yugi held up a piece of paper.  
  
What? They have sleeping arrangements planned?  
  
"Okay, Tea gets my bed," Yugi started. "Joey gets the couch in the living room, Kaiba gets the guest bed, Bakura gets the air mattress in the guest room, and Marik, Duke and I will sleep together on the floor in the living room!"  
  
"Yea!" Duke shouted.  
  
WHAT?! DAMN IT THEY WILL DO ALL THEY CAN JUST TO PISS ME OFF, WON'T THEY?!  
  
I think they're waiting for me to have a mental breakdown. That must be it.  
  
"See, Marik? The three of us will be closer after sleeping on the floor together!" Yugi said excitedly.  
  
Why does he have to make it sound so..dirty?  
  
"Alright! This is going to be so great!" Duke shouted.  
  
Well, duh, since he has every opportunity possible to be near me and be right there to take me in my sleep!  
  
The thought sickens me.  
  
"Okay, guys, see you tonight!" Yugi Duke and Joey left.  
  
"Are you okay?" Bakura asked me  
  
"Why me?" I asked no one in particular.  
  
K.A. Okay, for anyone who wants a say, I have four possibilities to vote on 1.having Marik really being paranoid about the Duke thing 2.having Duke act like he likes Marik because he somehow knows it pisses Marik off, even though Duke doesn't really like him (LIKE THAT () 3. having Duke act like this because he does like him, no other reason (LIKE THAT () 4. having duke act like this because he like him, (LIKE THAT ()but he also know its pissing Marik off and is waiting for him to say something. I'm having a vote for which one it is, unless you have other ideas! Thanks! 


	9. Step 8: Surviving Crisis, Part 2

Hey, guys! I decided to have #4(most popular!). but at the end I have one other suggestion that crossed my mind while writing this, see what you think. If not, I'll go originally as planned. Enjoy the evilly goodness!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Twister or anything else I use here.  
  
This is for fun!  
  
Marik's guide to world domination  
  
Hello, students. This is when I go through a very traumatizing time. Hell, I'm scarred for life.  
  
Damn Duke Devlin. Damn damn damn him.  
  
Here goes the horror.  
  
I trudged back home with Bakura.  
  
"Marik, what's wrong?" Bakura asked me.  
  
"What the fuck do you think is the matter?" I snapped. "Tonight is the night Duke tries to.. you know.do something dirty to me."  
  
"Don't be so paranoid."  
  
"I'm NOT paranoid, Bakura. Duke is like, always touching me and crap!"  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. I was not in the mood to deal with my minions today due to the situation. So we locked them in a room while we packed for the night.  
  
I packed Bloodfest V for Yugi and his stupid little friends. I hope I scar those little fuckers for life! Especially Duke! I also packed a lot of sheets so I'm exposed to Duke during the night. I also packed my black silk jammies.  
  
I called Kaiba's house to remind him.  
  
"Kaiba, don't forget you have to go to that stupid little sleepover tonight and experience the pain with us."  
  
"I'm looking forward to it," replies the sarcastic voice of Kaiba.  
  
Bakura and I trudged to Yugi's house.  
  
"Okay, Bakura, I'm counting on you to protect me from Duke the terror."  
  
"Marik, Duke is not going to do anything."  
  
Gramps answered the door. "Hey, guys! Hey, Marik, Duke will be here in a minute."  
  
And I give a shit. why?  
  
"Hey, guys!" Yugi shouted, waving and running down the stairs. "Joey is here already."  
  
Yippee!  
  
"Let's go up to my room!" Yugi jumped back up the steps as Bakura and I followed with our shit.  
  
"Hey!" Joey waved as I dropped my shit by the door.  
  
"Hello, Joey," I said in my fake voice. "Are you excited about tonight?"  
  
"Yeah! But Duke seems REALLY excited."  
  
Which in turn makes me VERY afraid.  
  
"IIIIIII'MMMM HHEERRRREE! WHERE'S MY BUDDY MARIK?" Duke screamed from downstairs.  
  
Aww, fuck. I was hoping that somehow on his way here he fell and broke his leg or something.  
  
Wishful thinking, huh.  
  
I heard him thunder up the steps, and he ran into the room. "MARIK!" He screamed.  
  
Okay, why is he only talking to me?  
  
"Hi Duke," I really had to force a smile for him.  
  
"Did you bring pajama's?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah," I answered.  
  
"Oh," he sounded disappointed. He was probably hoping I sleep naked or something.  
  
"Yeah, I usually sleep in the nude," Duke commented, then paused for a moment, staring at me. "But I thought it might freak you out, so I brought jammies with dice on them. I have two, just in case you forgot yours."  
  
THANK YOU!  
  
Did I mention that Duke is creepy? I mean, why did he have to tell me he sleeps naked? Did he think it would turn me on?  
  
He brought me some pajama's? He probably would've framed them and hung them on his wall if I wore them.  
  
"Gee, that was very thoughtful Duke," I said. "Thank you for thinking of me."  
  
Duke grinned. "Your thanks makes it worth it."  
  
Excuse me while I barf.  
  
"So Marik," Duke said, "I brought Twister with me. I can't wait to play it."  
  
What is up with this Twister game?  
  
"It's going to be sooo great," Duke draped an arm around my shoulders.  
  
I wiggled my way out of his grip.  
  
Kaiba appeared at the doorway. "Hey."  
  
"Kaiba!" Yugi shouted. "I'm so glad you chose to be my friend."  
  
"I, uh sure whatever."  
  
"Can I have a hug?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Mm, no."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't do hugs."  
  
"Gee golly whiz," Yugi put a hand on his hips. "You can only hang with us cool people if you are a hugger. You wanna be cool, right?"  
  
I saw Kaiba itching to blurt a smartass comment. Shit, I was bursting too. Bakura was shaking.  
  
"I'll show you how it's done," Duke announced.  
  
Aw, fuck, he's gonna-  
  
"I LOVE MY FRIEND, MARIK!" He roughly grabbed me and held me tight in his arms.  
  
Wait, did that just sound like an excerpt out of a romance novel?  
  
"I don't feel the hug vibes going," Duke said.  
  
Shit. Well, I had to do it. It was the only way.  
  
I hugged him back.  
  
Not hard or anything, just enough.  
  
"Awww!" Duke squealed. "Marik is one of us."  
  
"Yea," Yugi stupididly clapped.  
  
Duke slowly let go of me.  
  
Then he did something of unspeakable horror.  
  
He let his HAND GRAZE OVER MY ASS.  
  
That's right. I felt it. As that creepy little man let go, his hands slowly went down my back to my ASS. And it stayed there a while.  
  
"Um.Duke your hand.." I had to say SOMETHING. I couldn't let myself be degraded like this. I mean, I know I'm sexy, but damn.  
  
"What?" He asked, trying to act all innocent and crap.  
  
"Your hand is on my butt."  
  
"Oh, shit. Didn't notice. Sorry." The evil tainted hand was removed.  
  
YEAH RIGHT! DUKE WAS PROBABLY ENJOYING EVERY SECOND OF IT! PERV!  
  
GR. I'm soooo violated right now.  
  
I have rights, too.  
  
"Your turn, Kaiba," Yugi held out his arms.  
  
Kaiba sighed. He bent down because he is like three times the height of Yugi, and hugged him.  
  
"Aww!" Tea was here now. "That's so special, guys. It's all about friendship.." Then she went on with a long ten minute speech about friendship in which I resisted the urge to stab her with a butter knife.  
  
"Can I talk to you for a moment, Marik?" Kaiba asked.  
  
"Sure," anything to get me away from this creepy huggy crap that made me want to rip my eyeballs out.  
  
"Don't go off cheating on me, Marik," Duke sang loudly.  
  
Kaiba and I walked into the hallway.  
  
"You know, I do kind of get what you mean with Duke," Kaiba commented.  
  
"Told you." Duh. Marik is ALWAYS right.  
  
"But anyway, remember when you said that if I felt like I was becoming one of them, to throw something at Yugi?"  
  
"Yeah," I answered, hoping it wasn't going where I think it was going.  
  
"Can I throw something at him anyway, just because he's pissing me off?"  
  
Phew. "Of course. Just pretend it was an accident and apologize profusely."  
  
"Okay." Kaiba and I went back to the others.  
  
"I missed you," Duke said to me in a tone I didn't like.  
  
Kaiba walked behind Yugi and grabbed a plastic toy model of Exodia and heaved it at his head.  
  
"OWWW!" Yugi cried, the toy bouncing off the back of his head.  
  
"He he," I couldn't help it. It slipped.  
  
"Marik, that wasn't nice. I might have to punish you," Duke whispered in my ear.  
  
W-W-WHOA! Fuck, if that doesn't prove it, I don't know what does.  
  
It's official: Duke wants my sexy body.  
  
I must've shown on my face what I thought, because Duke threw me a weird look.  
  
"Are you okay, Marik?" He asked. "I was just joking about the punishing. I would never dream of hurting you."  
  
Oh, no. He meant punishing in THAT way.  
  
"Oh, I'm okay. I just feel really bad for laughing," I replied, laying it on thick. "I don't like seeing people in pain. It's just. I don't know why I laughed."  
  
"Hmm, you're a bad boy at heart. I find that incredibly appealing in a person." Duke nodded seriously. "Good and bad, we all need a little of both."  
  
Eh, can I ever win?  
  
Must I accept my fate as Duke's object of affection?  
  
Wait, he said good and bad. Hm, since I am 100% EVIL I have nothing to worry about.  
  
"Kaiba! How could you throw that at my head?!" Yugi whined.  
  
"Oh, gee, Yugi, I'm sorry," Kaiba used a fake voice of his own. "I didn't mean to throw it at you! It slipped. Do you forgive me?"  
  
"Of course, Kaiba. Accidents happen. I know you would never do anything like that on purpose."  
  
Ah, that was funny.  
  
"Let's play Twister, Marik," Duke suggested.  
  
".Alright," I was curious about it. "Bakura, lets play."  
  
"No no no no no no!" Duke screeched. "Just you and me Marik, a private game."  
  
. A private game?  
  
"We're going to the guest room to play Twister," Duke grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the room.  
  
"Have fun," Yugi shouted from behind.  
  
K.A.I have a few ideas to toss out:  
  
How about having at first Mariks goal be to take over the world and not accept dukes affection, but then he warms up to duke and turns good, while bakura carries on the evil plot and turns evil? Then he could try to get marik back on the dark side back to his senses . Just something to play around with, if anyone has any suggestions.  
  
Or just have marik stay evil and fend off duke? (my 'original' plan)  
  
Hm, what do you guys think? 


	10. Step 9: Surviving Crisis with an unexpec...

Hey, guys more evilly badness.....now with a twist....he he I hope you enjoy.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh Twister or any other ideas I used.  
  
Oh, when Marik and Bakura talk to their Yami's, I use ( and ) instead of regular quotations.  
  
Marik's guide to world domination  
  
Duke dragged me to the room of terror, where the game was set up.  
  
"Ready, Marik?" He asked, grinning ear to ear.  
  
"WAIT, GUYS!" Yugi screamed, running into the room. "I WANNA PLAY, TOO!"  
  
Right now is that once in a lifetime chance where I was actually glad to see the stupid pointy haired-dork. Kaiba and Joey followed in the room.  
  
"Aw, well, okay," Duke sighed. "Let's all play."  
  
"YEA!" Yugi screamed.  
  
Aw, I'm sorry Duke, no Special, private game where you try to get some Marik ass. Even though I am one sexy ass bitch.  
  
"First rule of the game, Marik..." Duke started. "Take off your clothes."  
  
WHAT THE FUCK?  
  
"Um, excuse me?" I asked in my fake voice, trying to sound innocent.  
  
"We have to play naked."  
  
"Um.." I was trying to think of a way to tell him no without sounding annoyed. "I'm sorry, Duke, that would make me uncomfortable."  
  
"Fine, we can play in our undies."  
  
NO YOU STUPID FUCKHEAD! NO NAKKIE TWISTER!  
  
"Um, I prefer to be fully clothed, Duke."  
  
"Dang, well, okay, I'll let you win this time," Duke winked at me. Ew.  
  
"Let's go," Yugi transformed into Yami, the damned Pharaoh.  
  
"Let's duel!" Yami shouted.  
  
We're just playing Twister, dumbass. Damn, I hate that fuckin Yami!  
  
"Oh!" Yami reverted back to Yugi. "I have a song for my special friend Yami," he announced. "It's called, 'Happy Egyptian'." (A/N I just made it up, didn't mean to steal an actual song title if there is one out)  
  
What the fuck?  
  
"I have a spirit within meeee," Yugi sang, horribly, at the top of his lungs. "He's an ancient kinggggg."  
  
Yami came back out. "Yugi, stop that now!"  
  
Yugi came back.  
  
Damn, this is confusing. Plus Yugi should stick with dueling, not singing.  
  
"He saveddd the worldddd five thousand years agooooo and got-" Then Yugi was suddenly interrupted when a blue eyes white dragon figure hit him across the face.  
  
I looked back to where the toy came from and saw Kaiba smirking.  
  
Then the ass Yami came back. "Thank you," he said to Kaiba.  
  
"No problem, the little shit was pissing me off."  
  
Yami frowned. "I just wanted him to stop singing. That's not very nice. You should apologize. Yugi is my bestest friend in the whole world."  
  
Aw great the Pharaoh got sucked into that stupid friendship crap, too.  
  
"So let's play," Yami shouted eagerly.  
  
"Aw, crap, with him playing, no one else has a chance of winning!" Joey whined, pointing at Yami.  
  
"This game looks stupid. I don't wanna play either," Kaiba announced. Then they both left.  
  
Oooh now is my chance.  
  
"I think I'll go with them," I started to dart out the door, but Duke caught me by my shirt.  
  
"Where are you going?" He asked in a shrill voice. "We still have a game to play!"  
  
Damn.  
  
"Okay..." Duke started to explain the rules to me. The rules sounded pretty easy. Spin the spinner thingy, and put your hand or arm where the color says.  
  
I wonder what Bakura is doing?  
  
MEANWHILE IN THE KITCHEN....  
  
Bakura was working hard on a chocolate cake with vanilla frosting when the others went to play Twister. He allowed Tea to assist him. Bakura just pulled the cake out of the oven and handed it to Tea to set out to cool.  
  
"Ooh, ow, this is hot!" Tea squealed and dropped the cake, splattering it on the floor.  
  
Bakura's eyes started twitching uncontrollably, anger beginning to rise within him.  
  
(The bitch just dropped your beautiful cake, Bakura,) The voice in his head told him.  
  
(I know,) Bakura replied.  
  
(We must not let this deed go unpunished. Let me out, and I will handle her.)  
  
(Okay,) Bakura let himself go to the ancient spirit dwelling within him. His hair rose and got pointier, eyes narrowed and became thickly outlined.  
  
"I'm really sorry..... I didn't mean to drop the cake...." Tea stammered  
  
"Sorry is not good enough," Yami Bakura grunted. "You will now pay the price for wrecking Bakura's beautiful master piece!"  
  
"What?" Tea asked.  
  
"We will now be baking.... IN THE SHADOW REALM!" Yami Bakura yelled, the kitchen turning foggy and dark.  
  
"Why is it so dark in here? I'm scared!" Tea whined.  
  
"That's right, girl, you should be scared!" Yami Bakura looked around him pointedly. "I have turned this kitchen into a battleground." The kitchen was now twice the size it was before, with two sides each containing a counter and an oven.  
  
"An arena?" Tea asked.  
  
"Yes. We will have a baking contest. Whoever wins shall be proclaimed the Cake Champion. Whoever loses, will be punished."  
  
"Huh?" Tea asked, still lost.  
  
"Just bake a damn cake and go to your side," Yami Bakura pointed to the left side of the kitchen. Tea stumbled over.  
  
"Good. We have approximately 90 minutes," Yami Bakura laughed.  
  
"I can't see in the dark!" Tea whined.  
  
"Stop whining, stupid girl, and bake!" Yami Bakura began to work on his masterpiece.  
  
NOW BACK TO THE GAME OF TERROR!  
  
This game is very interesting. We, The Pharaoh, Duke-the-fairy and I, each spun the little spinner thingy and went.  
  
I think Duke rigged the game.  
  
Somehow, it ended up with me on all fours and Duke standing right behind me.  
  
Oh, I bet he is fuckin enjoying this! I can't keep my dignity in this position much longer. I must stop this. Hmm I think I will fall on purpose.  
  
"Omph!" I dramatically fell over on my back.  
  
"Marik! You lost!" Yami sang.  
  
Put a sock in it, asshole.  
  
"Aww, Marik!" Duke bent over me.  
  
Ekk! I'm still laying on my back!  
  
"Let me help you up," Duke grabbed my shoulders.  
  
WHOA!  
  
"I'm alright," I wiggled my way out of his grip. "I don't want to play anymore."  
  
"Aww! One more game!" Duke pleaded. "I like playing with you, Marik."  
  
It's probably because you can sneak peeks at my ass without me looking.  
  
"Fine, one more game!" We all got back up. I decided to go first.  
  
So I spun the little spinner thingy and ended up with one arm down and the opposite leg stretched out.  
  
Damn it I'm in a vunerable position again.  
  
"OOH, ME! ME!" Duke eagerly grabbed the spinner and spun it.  
  
"YEA MY HANDS ON RED!" Duke bent down in front of me, his face less than an inch from my crotch.  
  
.........  
  
..........  
  
..........  
  
DAMN IT ALL!  
  
Am I cursed or something?  
  
I tried to look down, but then feared Duke may get...... closer to me than he already was.  
  
That damn Duke is getting a free Marik show!  
  
Must... not.... get..... angry.....  
  
Must.....  
  
Then suddenly my head was hit with searing pain.  
  
"AAHHH!" I grabbed my head. Oh, shit, oh shit.  
  
'HE'S' coming.  
  
"NO!" I yelled.  
  
"Marik?" Duke got up, a concerned look on his face.  
  
(Marik...... ) Aw, shit it's 'him'.  
  
NO! GO THE FUCK AWAY!  
  
I don't want anything to do with you!  
  
(Marik......)  
  
(Marik..... I know you can hear me. Don't try to hide from yourself.) The voice nagged.  
  
(WHAT?!) I replied back angrily.  
  
(You need me.)  
  
(No, I do not need you. Get the fuck out of my head.)  
  
(Yes, Marik. Let me have some fun with Duke. I've been trapped for too long. Take a rest and watch the master in action.)  
  
(No, asshole. You're just going to blow my cover. I can do this myself.)  
  
(I'm going to take over by force, then, so it doesn't matter.)  
  
Shit.  
  
I felt myself being pushed back into my mind.  
  
Now I was a spectator in my own body. 'He's' in control now.  
  
(Hey, now watch how I handle this freak.) 'He' said.  
  
(Whatever.) Fuck, I can't control my body now.  
  
"Marik?" Duke asked. "Are you okay?"  
  
My straightened up and smiled at him. "Yes, Duke. I'm just fine."  
  
K.A. What did you think? Weird? hehe Please R&R!! 


	11. Step 10: Attempting Yami control

K.A. Well, he he, this might not be what you expect. or maybe it is! I hope you enjoy!  
  
DISCLAIMER: No I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Twister, or anything else I use!  
  
'So,' Kaiba thought to himself. 'How shall I pass the time in the Palace of the Dorks tonight?' He didn't want to play some stupid retarded board game. That was beneath the CEO of KaibaCorp.  
  
He walked down the hall to see Joey standing there with his hands in his pockets, laughing to himself.  
  
Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Well, better than nothing," he murmured. He walked over to Joey. "What are you doing, Wheeler?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "Nothin. What about you Kaiba?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
They stood there in silence for a few moments.  
  
"So............ wanna play Duel Monsters?" Joey asked.  
  
Kaiba threw him a look. "Please, Wheeler, don't make tonight worse than it is, okay?"  
  
"...Kay. Wanna go up to the attic and play dress-up?"  
  
Kaiba looked at him like he had three heads. "Are you serious?"  
  
Joey nodded. "It'll be fun."  
  
Kaiba sighed. "Fine. Let's go."  
  
Joey and Kaiba went up to the attic of the game shop and uncovered a trunk filled with old clothes.  
  
"I wanna go first!" Joey screeched loudly.  
  
Kaiba held up his hands in mock defeat. "By all means, go if it's your heart's desire."  
  
"WHOO-HOO!" Joey grabbed a fistful of clothes. "Be right back."  
  
MEANWHILE IN THE SHADOW REALM...  
  
Yami Bakura whipped his cake out of the oven. He held it to his nose to smell the delectableness. The cake was vanilla and perfectly cooked all around.  
  
(Smells good,) Bakura commented.  
  
(Duh. I kick ass. Especially for you, hikari. I won't allow that bitch to ruin the cake you worked so hard on and get away with it.)  
  
"Well, girl?" Yami Bakura snarled. "Let's see your fuckin piece of shit you call cake."  
  
"Hey," Tea whined. "Stop talking mean. I'm gonna go cry."  
  
"Wah wah wah, I couldn't give a rats ass if you cried your stupid little eyes out or dropped dead on the floor as I'm talking," Yami Bakura paused a moment, waiting for it.  
  
"Damn," Tea was still standing, a pouty look on her face.  
  
"Stop giving me that goofy ass look and pull out your cake."  
  
Tea pulled the cake out of the oven. It was burnt.  
  
"HAH!" Yami Bakura jumped in the air. "I win!"  
  
Tea shrugged, looking scared. "Oh well."  
  
"OH WELL?!" Yami Bakura screamed. "You fuck up a cake and go OH WELL?!"  
  
"It's just a cake, Bakura," Tea squeaked.  
  
"IT'S MORE THAN A CAKE, BITCH!" Yami Bakura yelled. "Baking a cake is an art form, that I've obviously mastered. YOU SUCK!"  
  
Tea frowned. "I'm telling! You're picking on me!"  
  
"You won't be able to tell anyone anything," Yami Bakura whispered, his millennium ring hungrily lighting up.  
  
(I'm going to punish her for her insolence.)  
  
(Okay. I never liked her anyway,) Bakura replied.  
  
"Take this!" Yami Bakura pointed his ring at Tea, and a blinding light filled the room.  
  
When the light died down, Tea was standing there with a confused look on her face.  
  
"So. what just happened?" She asked.  
  
(What? My magic didn't work?)  
  
(What did you do?) Bakura asked the spirit.  
  
(The ring was supposed to curse her by filling her head with air and making her clueless the rest of her life. but it didn't seem to work.)  
  
Bakura sighed in his head. (Of course it didn't work! She is ALREADY a clueless, stupid airhead!)  
  
(Shit! I should've known!)  
  
BACK TO THE GAME OF DEATH  
  
Yea! Back to me!  
  
Well.. nothing to get excited about.  
  
Considering the situation with my damn Yami.  
  
"Wow, Marik!" Yugi exclaimed. "You're hair looks different! Like mine! AWWW! You wanna be my twin?"  
  
(Give a smartass answer,) I said.  
  
(Don't tell me what to do.)  
  
(Fuck you!)  
  
(No, fuck you!)  
  
"Why, thank you, Yugi!I take that as a compliment!" My Yami jumped up and patted his hair. "I admire you so much!"  
  
(What the fuck are you doing?!) I asked, exasperated.  
  
(Yugi is a little cutie pie! Why do you hate him?)  
  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
"How did you do that with out me seeing?" Duke asked, awed.  
  
"I have a lot of neat tricks," My Yami whispered seductively.  
  
(Damn it stop it!)  
  
(This guy is cute, too. He's the one who's been hitting on you, Marik?)  
  
(.. shut up.)  
  
(Why do you refuse someone so sexy? Mm, look at that tight little ass!)  
  
(Shut the fuck up! Let me back in!)  
  
(No!)  
  
Damn that fuckhead.  
  
"So. do you wanna play again?" Duke asked.  
  
"Let's... play something else." My Yami replied.  
  
"What?" Yugi asked excitedly.  
  
"Well, let's go to your bedroom and you'll find out exactly the game that I have in mind."  
  
(I hate you,) I told my Yami.  
  
"Um, let's play that game later," Duke said quickly, but seemed excited at the idea.  
  
"Promise?"  
  
Duke nodded happily.  
  
"What do you guys want to do next?" Yugi asked, totally missing what just happened.  
  
"Whatever Marik wants to do," Duke looked at me with stars in his eyes.  
  
No, it was my Yami. Not me.  
  
I am so disgusted with myself!  
  
"Let's..watch a movie. I have one," my Yami said.  
  
"Yes! Where is everyone?" Yugi asked.  
  
"All I need is you guys. The mood will be set better if it's just us," my Yami replied in a somewhat seductive tone.  
  
My Yami went to Yugi's room and grabbed my movie.  
  
(Ha ha I brought a movie that will scare the pants off those fuckers,) I told my Yami.  
  
He didn't reply.  
  
My Yami joined Duke and Yugi in the T.V. room.  
  
"Marik, I saved you a seat," Duke, sitting in a loveseat, patted the spot right next to him.  
  
"Yea!" My Yami hungrily jumped into the seat and snuggled up to Duke.  
  
My life is officially wrecked. I mean, thanks to my Yami, Duke probably thinks I have the hots for him now.  
  
"Marik, you're acting different now," Yugi noted.  
  
"I know. I just realized how cool you guys were!"  
  
Yugi smiled. "I'm glad you decided to stay aboard the fun train with us."  
  
"It'll be a fun ride," Duke added.  
  
I'll bet.  
  
"I like riding," my Yami whispered in Duke's ear.  
  
(Do you know how much I hate you?) I asked my Yami.  
  
(Mm, Duke is warm and comfy.)  
  
(Stop being creepy and punch him in the face! Now!)  
  
(Stop being a meanie, Marik! These guys are cool!)  
  
Oh, no he just did not tell me that.  
  
"I love you guys," my Yami announced.  
  
"AWW! I FEEL A GROUP HUG COMING ON!" Yugi screamed, jumping out of his seat. He plopped himself on Duke and my Yami.  
  
"Yea!" Yugi squealed, wrapping his arms around us. I couldn't exactly feel it, not being in control, but I sensed Yugi's touch.  
  
And felt majorly creeped.  
  
Was he doing this to piss me off?  
  
"I feel good after giving hugs," Yugi announced. "It makes me feel loved."  
  
Duke grinned. "I know. Hugs are magical."  
  
I wish I was in control to magically shove my foot up both of their asses.  
  
My Yami squealed, flapping his arms prissily.  
  
(Stop.)  
  
(NO!)  
  
Everyone turned their attention to the screen to a gory scene going on in the movie(A/N Just make one up in your head if you want).  
  
"AAHHHH!" Yugi screamed. "What's that red stuff coming out of that girl's chest?"  
  
"I.. I DON'T KNOW!" Duke screeched.  
  
Man, I wish I was in control right now.  
  
"Man! That's red stuff is really gushing out!" Yugi started shaking uncontrollably. "I'm scared!"  
  
IT'S BLOOD YOU RETARDS!  
  
I knew they were goody goody but DAMN!  
  
Thry have been really sheltered.  
  
"That man just poked another man with a long silver knife thingy!" Duke screamed. "More red stuff is coming out!"  
  
"Is that red stuff in me, too?" Yugi wondered. "I've never seen it before."  
  
Why don't I stab you and see what happens, Yugi?  
  
(Show him in person the mysterious red liquid,) I said.  
  
(AWW! I think I should comfort him!)  
  
"Yugi, poke me and see if I have red stuff, too!" Duke suggested.  
  
"Okay!"  
  
He he aww this is going to be good.  
  
"NO, WAIT!" My Yami shouted. "That's not a good idea."  
  
"Why, Marik?" Yugi asked.  
  
K.A. Well? He he I thought it would be funny to have his Yami act like that, but what do you guys think? Please R&R and tell me! 


	12. Step 11: Bakura's fun

K.A. Hi guys. Well, I had three bottles of soda before this so it might be weird. Oh, at first, I wasn't planning on using Marik's Yami when I started thisso that's why I use "Yami Marik" sorry if it's confusing to anyone.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else I use.  
  
Hello my students, and welcome back to the let's-torture-Marik marathon night at Yugi's house.  
  
Currently my Yami has taken over, and is really pissing me off.  
  
"Why not?" Yugi asked. "I wanna see the red stuff! It was on tv!"  
  
"What's that silver thing that dude poked with?" Duke wondered.  
  
"No, Yugi."  
  
"But if it's on tv, I can do it too! My grandpa told me that everyone in this world is nice and would never think of doing anything to anyone else that would hurt them. And I believe everything my grandpa says."  
  
(Good grief.)  
  
"Sometimes when I'm in the hall at school, people will accidentally punch me and call me bad names. But then I remember that they don't do it on purpose."  
  
Okay.. Yugi needs a reality check.  
  
"Um. the red stuff is bad," My Yami informed them. "And the silver thing is a knife that the dude stabbed the girl with, and she is in pain."  
  
Yugi clutched his chest, eyes wide.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Yugi loudly gasped, panting. He fell to his knees. "NU-UH! YOU'RE LYING!"  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"NO! THEY CAN'T SHOW NAUGHTY STUFF ON TV!" Yugi screamed loudly.  
  
"What do you mean, Yug?" Duke asked.  
  
(That little fucker needs to get out more,) I commented.  
  
(Stop it. This is serious. Maybe he needs me to hold him tonight,) My Yami replied seriously.  
  
NNNNOOOOOOOOO!  
  
EW!  
  
(If you do that, I will take control back and stab myself!)  
  
"THE WORLD IS FULL OF PINK BUNNIES AND CANDY AND EVERYONE IS NICE AND WOULD NEVER HURT EACH OTHER!" Yugi shouted breathlessly, tears forming in his eyes. "THE WORLD IS NOT LIKE GRANDPA TOLD ME IT WAS!"  
  
"It's okay, Yugi," My Yami said comfortingly. "I'll make sure that you are safe from the bad people."  
  
Yugi looked up, eyes glistening. "Really?"  
  
(Oh, I'm gonna puke,) I sneered  
  
My Yami nodded. "You're my friend and I love you, Yugi."  
  
(WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!)  
  
(What?)  
  
(Stop it! You're being a fairy!)  
  
(I like fairies,) Then my Yami turned back to Yugi.  
  
"You're so cool, Marik. I'm glad you're my friend."  
  
My Yami smiled.  
  
"What now?" Duke asked as Bakura walked in.  
  
"What the fuck is going on?" He snapped, slamming through the door.  
  
"AWWWW! YOU CUSSED!" Yugi screamed, then placed his hand over his mouth in horror. "That's bad. My grandpa puts me in time out when I use a naughty word."  
  
"Well tell your grandpa that's just to fuckin bad and I couldn't give less of a rats ass. That's pretty pathetic that he puts you in the corner for cussing. Does he change your diaper for you, too?"  
  
"Well, sometimes he has to change the sheets when I wet the bed."  
  
"Oh, dude, really?" Duke piped up. "Me too!"  
  
"Wow, Duke that is so cool that we both wet the bed!"  
  
"I wouldn't be parading around, proud of that fact if I were you two.." Bakura smirked. "But then again this IS Yugi and his dorkass friend we're talking about here."  
  
Yugi shook his head. "But you shouldn't use dirty words in our house. That's not nice."  
  
"Yeah! And I'm not a 'dorkass!'  
  
"Bakura, promise me that you wont use any more dirty words," Yugi pleaded.  
  
Bakura grinned. "Fuck fuck fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck."  
  
Yugi's eyes were saucers. "You're SO BAD! You're a naughty naughty little boy."  
  
"Are you going to spank me, Yugi?"  
  
"I can't, that's my grandpa's job. He said it's bad if I touch someone not related to me in their no no places," Yugi replied matter of factly.  
  
"Did he tell you what they were?"  
  
"He said that touching someones butt is very very naughty."  
  
"You mean their ass?" Bakura asked, laughing  
  
Yugi stepped back. "AWWW! YOU CUSSED AGAIN!"  
  
"What else is a no no spot?" Bakura asked, ignoring the previous comment.  
  
"No. That's it."  
  
"There's another," Bakura hooked his fingers in the front of his jeans. "I'll show you what it is, if you want."  
  
Duke gasped. "Bakura, I didn't know you were that horny."  
  
"Huh?" Yugi looked at Bakura, confused. "I don't see any horns."  
  
Bakura burst out laughing. "It's okay, Duke, Yugi does not turn me on."  
  
"HEY! YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY OF THOSE DIRTY MAGAZINES HERE, DID YOU?" Yugi suddenly accused very loudly.  
  
Shit. I knew I forgot something!  
  
"Yugi?" My Yami frowned. "I think you need to rest. Your poor little thing."  
  
"No, Marik forgot them," Bakura answered. "Damn it Marik I thought I reminded you to bring the goods!"  
  
Yugi gasped loudly and pointedly glared at me. "MARIK! How could you?! I remember those magazines I saw!"  
  
(What do you have to say to that?) I asked Bakura mentally.  
  
"Um, I don't know what Bakura is talking about, Yugi. After meeting you, I decided to change my perverted ways and gave them away."  
  
"Yeah, to your grandpa," Bakura finished.  
  
Yugi's mouth fell open. "No! My grandpa would never do anything like that!"  
  
"Awww, are you upset? Do you not like me anymore?"  
  
"Well, no, but-"  
  
Bakura grinned sadistically. "Good."  
  
"Bakura!" My Yami pointed a finger at him. "Stop being a meanie to Yugi."  
  
Bakura turned and looked at me like I had three heads. "What the fuck?"  
  
"You're not being very nice to my friend Yugi. You're hurting his feelings. I think you should apologize."  
  
"Oh ,no, it's okay. I know Bakura loves me and is my friend," Yugi piped up.  
  
"Marik, what is wrong with you?" Bakura asked. "You're acting like you actually care about him We just using him, remember?"  
  
"What? What are you using me for?" Yugi asked.  
  
"You know," Bakura winked.  
  
"Um.no?"  
  
"He wants to play doctor," Bakura shrugged.  
  
"Okay!" Yugi agreed. "That sounds like a neat new game. So, am I the patient?"  
  
"Bakura, stop it," My Yami said sternly.  
  
"What?"  
  
(Bakura!) I called out desperately, blocking out my Yami.  
  
(Marik? What's going on?)  
  
(My Yami is ruining everything! Do something before this gets too out of hand!)  
  
(What can I do?)  
  
(I don't know! Get me out of here! Quick!)  
  
(Okay, I'll try.)  
  
"Marik, it's time for us to go," Bakura grunted. "My grandmother called. That's why I came in here. She needs us back."  
  
"Aw, man! Why?"  
  
"She fell."  
  
"Oh! Why didn't you tell me earlier!" My Yami piped up.  
  
"Oh, no! I'll help, too!" Yugi piped up.  
  
"No, that's okay, Yugi. Marik and I can handle it. We don't want you exposed to this."  
  
"Well. okay, but you're coming back, right?"  
  
"I don't know," Bakura answered. He grabbed my arms and dragged me and my Yami out of the house.  
  
Okay, guys do you want them to go back, or not? Do you want Yami Marik still, or him to revert back? It's up to you in a review! Thanks! Oh and I have something planned for kaiba and joey. 


	13. Step 12: Handling Bold Encounters

I'm baaacckkkk! With more madness! He he. Hope you like!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Care Bears, or Seven Eleven or anything else that I used.  
  
Also, I do not mean to offend anybody with this story, because I mean no harm. Just a story. I don't necessarily agree with Marik's views either.  
  
On with the story!  
  
Marik's guide to world domination  
  
Ah, this night seems to be going on forever!  
  
When will the pain be over?  
  
More importantly, when will I get my body back in my control?  
  
Well, during your mission, you might encounter some majorly messed up stuff.  
  
The key is to keep a cool head and never let your guard down. Go with the flow and don't let the enemy see you sweat.  
  
Bakura roughly grabbed my Yami on the street after they left Yugi's "Palace of Fun."  
  
"Oh, Bakura, on the street?" My Yami asked seductively. "I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."  
  
"Hey..what?!" Bakura snarled. "What the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
"Nevermind. Continue."  
  
"If you insist," Bakura started smacking the shit out of my Yami so hard I felt it.  
  
(OW! You shithead! That's hurting me too!) I whined to Bakura through our mindlink.  
  
(Well, sorry! This was the only thing I could think of!)  
  
Bakura continued to smack my Yami. "Let... Marik.... out...."  
  
"Oh yes, Bakura, I like it when you smack me like that!" My Yami exclaimed  
  
Bakura froze, hand in mid air. "Excuse me?!"  
  
"Why did you stop? I was enjoying that. It was such a turn-on."  
  
Bakura blushed and backed up. "Um..."  
  
My Yami scooted closer to Bakura. "What's the matter, honey?"  
  
"Don't call me honey!" Bakura screamed and jumped back. "RYOU!"  
  
(Ryou?)  
  
(That's my Yami's nickname for me,) Bakura told me. (Because everyone gets us so confused.)  
  
(Interesting. Mind if I call you Ryou? I like that name.)  
  
(Sure. My Yami likes the name Bakura though.)  
  
"YOU HAVE PET NAMES FOR EACH OTHER?" My Yami shouted happily. "THAT IS SO SWEET!"  
  
(Shit we forgot to block him,) I noted.  
  
"Aww! I want to have pet names with my other half!"  
  
(Hell no,) I told him.  
  
(Yes. Your new name is fuzzle bunny.)  
  
(Your new name is asshole.)  
  
(Aww! We have nicknames now!)  
  
"Ryou! I really need your help!" Bakura screeched.  
  
Ryou's spirit appeared beside Bakura, with his hair even more messy as usual and shoving a cheese sandwich in his mouth. He was wearing a pair of pink polka-dot boxers and scratching his ass. "This better be good. You know I don't like to be interrupted during my soaps."  
  
"It's Marik. He needs help with his other half."  
  
Ryou then noticed my Yami looking at him hungrily. "Eek!" He quickly tried to cover himself with his hands. "I'm not in my going out clothes!"  
  
"But you look so adorable in your cute little boxers! Actually, I think I have a pair like that... I think they're purple."  
  
"Hold on..." Ryou left. Then he came back a few seconds later wearing a blue silk shirt and tight leather pants.  
  
"Ooh that's so incredibly sexy," My Yami drooled.  
  
(You are such an embarrassment,) I told him.  
  
"Okay I'll go back and let Marik have control if I can go on a date with him," My Yami pointed to Ryou. "He's sexy."  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes. "Fine I'll go on a date with you. Later, though. And no touching."  
  
My Yami nodded hungrily. "WHOO-HOO!"  
  
"Okay, now let Marik out," Bakura said.  
  
"Okay. I'll go now. But I'll be back later for our date, Ryou, sweetie."  
  
I felt myself reemerge.  
  
"I'm BACK!" I shouted happily.  
  
Bakura smiled. "Welcome back, Marik. I'll have Ryou join you." Then Bakura let Ryou back out.  
  
"Cheerio!" Ryou shouted. "Happy to be back?"  
  
"Fuck yes," I answered. Then I felt something on my arm. It was my Yami's goofy ass cape he wore.  
  
"What the hell?" I grabbed it and turned so I could see it. It had a purple male symbol in a pink triangle over a rainbow with the word "Forever" under it.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!" I screamed, ripping it off.  
  
Why does my Yami have to be so obnoxious?  
  
Ryou grinned. "Ready to go back to the fun machine?"  
  
"Oh goody," I replied sarcastically.  
  
Ah. It's good to be back.  
  
We went back to the little fucks house.  
  
"How's your grandmother?" Yugi asked quickly, grabbing Ryou's arm.  
  
"Um, she's fine. Just dandy." Ryou winced, trying to wiggle out of Yugi's grip without making it too obvious.  
  
"Oh, okay. If you're sad, I'm sad."  
  
"...Okay."  
  
Yugi looked at me. "Aww your hair gel wore off. But that's okay. I have a ton. I use about three bottles a day."  
  
So that's how the little fuck gets his hair so damn pointy.  
  
Then we heard a ring at the doorbell.  
  
Yugi just stood there, frozen.  
  
It rang again.  
  
"Um... aren't you going to answer it?" I asked. The little dumbass was staring at the door like it would open on it's own.  
  
"My grandpa told me never to answer the door because it my be some bad person who might come and try to do naught things to my body."  
  
"But Yugi," I interjected sweetly. "Didn't your grandpa also say that the world is full of nice people who would never think to harm you."  
  
Yugi stared at me for a moment, dumbfounded. Then it seemed like the lightbulb went off in his head. "Heeyyyy," he nodded his head slowly. "You're right!"  
  
Then he marched boldly to the door and flung it open.  
  
"Hello, Yugi," It was my sister, Ishizu with her hair completely down wearing a white, tight dress.  
  
"Oh, hi! You're Marik's sister, right?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Correct. And this is my fiancé, Shaadi." Ishizu pointed to a guy standing next to her with porcelain like blue eyes dressed in a robe.  
  
Aw, man she brought her goofy little boyfriend.  
  
Ishizu held up a pair of my underwear and started swinging them around. "Someone forgot their undies!" She sang.  
  
I felt all eyes on me.  
  
"And we all know how cranky our little Marik gets without some clean undies!"  
  
Damn straight. I like the feel of fresh clean undies against my-  
  
"He he he," Ryou started to giggle.  
  
Ishizu straightened them out and held them. These undies were my favorite. They had pictures of Yugi's head on them with a nail through them.  
  
"Um, I like your undies.... I think," Yugi commented nervously.  
  
Shaadi raised his finger slowly to point at me. "Marik, I didn't think you were the type of guy to wear tighty-whities. HAHAHAHA!" He began to laugh loudly.  
  
"Aw, screw you," I replied angrily. "I LIKE MY UNDIES!"  
  
"It's okay, Marik. I wear tighty-whities, too!" Yugi piped up. "But mine have the Care Bears on them. They're cool."  
  
"Okay, Marik, now you-" Ishizu was interrupted by the glowing of her necklace. It started pulsating wildly.  
  
"What's going on?" Ishizu took off her necklace and shook it roughly. "I think it's broken."  
  
"Well, if yours is broken, so is mine," Yugi held his little puzzle, which started pulsating too.  
  
Then I felt something in my back pocket jiggling a bit. I reached back and whipped out my rod.  
  
The millennium rod, for you gutter minds out there.  
  
"Aw, man," I looked over and Bakura's ring was doing the same thing too along with Shaadi's items. Bakura pulled out the millennium eye.  
  
Kaiba and Joey ran down the stairs, both in frilly dresses. Kaiba was wearing a pink frilly dress with purple lipstick and high heels, and Joey was wearing a light blue dress and bows in his hair.  
  
"Maybe I don't want to know, but what were you guys doing?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Playing dress up," Kaiba answered. "It was actually quite amusing."  
  
"Is that all you did?" I interjected.  
  
Ryou looked at me. "Oh, my."  
  
Joey and Kaiba blushed. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the current situation.  
  
"Okay, gang, to find out the answers, we need to go to the SECRET LAIR!" Shaadi announced grandly.  
  
"Where is the secret lair?" Yugi asked.  
  
Shaadi looked at him. "Down the street under the Seven Eleven."  
  
"Oh."  
  
So everyone headed out. Duke seemingly appeared out of nowhere and hung by my side.  
  
DAMMIT.  
  
"So, Marik, are you getting tired?" Duke asked. "Because I'm ready to hit the sack. But only with you at my side."  
  
Okay, whoa! Now he is being just plain blunt about wanting my sexy body!  
  
"Um, no Duke." That's a bad Duke! No Marik ass!  
  
"Oh. Well, this night was pretty exciting, huh?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"You don't seem as happy as you were a while ago," Duke noted.  
  
"Whippie!" I listlessly flapped my arms.  
  
We arrived at the Seven Eleven.  
  
"Under this Seven Eleven hides an ancient Egyptian tomb that holds all the answers," Shaadi told us.  
  
"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Kaiba put up his hands and tried to steady himself in the high heels. "So you're telling me that there is an ancient Egyptian tomb under this Seven Eleven in modern day Japan?"  
  
"Yes?" Shaadi looked at Kaiba expectantly, waiting for more.  
  
"Okay, just checking."  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
The minions, Rex, Weevil, Keith, and Bones were locked in the basement.  
  
"Hey, he forgot to feed us," Keith said.  
  
K.A. Well, I totally went against my plans, but what do you think? Please R&R! And for you Yami Marik fans, you will get your fill by the end. Trust me. And I changed it to Ryou and Bakura to lessen the confusion. Maybe I'll make Malik and Marik to make things less confusing. Any ideas appreciated! Thanks! 


	14. Step 13: Revelations

K.A. Drumroll, please.... dunt da dunt da! I'm back with an update! School, you know the deal.  
  
Sometimes, I am just absolutely amazed at what comes out of my screwed up little little head onto this computer. Now is definitely one of those times. This chapter is.... messed up. But funny! Just the way we like it, right? He he Enjoy.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Seven Eleven, kit kat, burgers, whatever else I used that is not mine, I do not own them. And I do not mean to be offensive or serious with this stuff... and don't do the naughty stuff Marik does!  
  
Marik's guide to World Domination  
  
Well, my underlings, the time will come sooner or later.  
  
You are exposed.  
  
But fear not.  
  
If you have been following me from the beginning, you should be fine.....  
  
So we went inside of the Seven Eleven.  
  
"Okay, I shall now open the SECRET PASSAGEWAY that leads to the SECRET LAIR," Shaadi announced grandly.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Okay, asshole, just get on with the show," I sneered.  
  
"Marik!" Ishizu smacked me on the arm.  
  
"Ow, sister!" I whined loudly. "That hurt!"  
  
What a big meanie butthead.  
  
"Do you want me to kiss your boo boo and make it all better, babe?" Duke asked, right up my ass as usual.  
  
"No," I snapped hastily, jumping away from him.  
  
"Avert your eyes while I open the SECRET PASSAGE WAY!" Shaadi yelled.  
  
"Avert this," I flipped him the bird.  
  
Ryou snickered, running his hands through his unruly thick hair. "Let's leave, Marik. This sucks."  
  
"YOU CANNOT LEAVE," Shaadi yelled loudly. "The items have called for us!"  
  
"I hate this stupid destiny crap."  
  
"Can you PLEASE just turn around so I can open the damn SECRET PASSAGE?!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't wanna."  
  
"Marik, why do you have to be such a little shithead?" Ishizu asked, sighing.  
  
"Because its fun," I answered matter-of-factly.  
  
"Come on, Marik! This is like a fun game!" Yugi turned around and slapped his stupid little hands over his eyes.  
  
Oh boy.  
  
"Yeah, Marik!" Duke grabbed me.  
  
"H-Hey!" I yelped as Duke wrapped his arm around my waist and turned me around with him.  
  
EWWWW!! I have COOTIES!!  
  
Will this ever wash off? Maybe if I scrub real hard....  
  
Duke wrapped his other arm around my shoulder and leaned his cheek against mine.  
  
Awww man.  
  
Duke is living out his fantasies with me right here in the middle of the Seven Eleven!  
  
"Go ahead and open the SECRET PASSAGE," Duke said dreamily, probably thinking of ripping my clothes off at the next moment.  
  
I must maintain some of my dignity!  
  
"Duke.... I think you're a little too close..." I murmured.  
  
"What?" He asked airily.  
  
I heard Shaadi mumbling some crap and what sounded like a door opening.  
  
"Duke, please get off of me."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean get the fuck off!" I shoved him away.  
  
Politeness will not work with this boy.  
  
"O....kay," Duke frowned and walked away.  
  
Good. I hope that fucker got the meassage.  
  
Unless he was hoping I would run after him, pleading for forgiveness.  
  
Pshht, yeah right.  
  
Everybody had already left the main store and headed into the secret passage off the side of the store.  
  
I innocently walked up and down the aisles for a moment, then whipped out my rod.  
  
The MILLENIUM rod.  
  
I walked up to the register person.  
  
"You will allow me to take what ever I want.... without paying."  
  
"Yes... you may have whatever you want, sir."  
  
I ran into the aisles and started shoving bags of potato chips and candy down my shirt and pants.  
  
He he I love having the rod.  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
"The meaning of our presence is being told to me.." Shaadi closed his eyes.  
  
Kaiba was staring up at the ceiling.  
  
This is the most boring crap ever. Besides, my feet are killing me," He took the heels off. "Whew!"  
  
"My hose is bunching up," Joey commented, picking it out of his butt.  
  
"I know. This crap likes to go all the way over to the left side of my ass and it feels funny," Kaiba was also picking at his butt trying to straighten them out.  
  
"Ah, yes!" Shaadi announced. "Marik."  
  
"Marik?" Ishizu asked.  
  
"Where is he, anyway?" Duke asked, still feeling rejected.  
  
"The items are trying to warn us... of a plot Marik is planning to carry out." Shaadi looked around at everyone.  
  
"That's... nonsense!" Ryou blurted out quickly.  
  
Shaadi raised an eyebrow. "Really, Bakura? Aren't you his best friend?"  
  
"Yes! Marik just wants everyone to like him. He doesn't know how, though. That's why he acts the way he does. For attention."  
  
"Ooh," Ishizu said, buying his load of bullshit.  
  
"No...." Shaadi shook his head. "I feel malicious intent...taking over the world. That is his plot. To take over the world."  
  
Everyone stared at him a moment, then laughed.  
  
"Please, Shaadi. I know you two have your differences, and Marik can be a brat, but TAKING OVER THE WORLD?" Ishizu shook her head.  
  
"Yeah, my baby would never try anything like that," Duke shouted, now obviously over his earlier rejection.  
  
"Yeah," Yugi butted in. "Marik is one of my bestest friends in the whole wide universe and we all love each other and I know he would never do anything to harm anyone else. He is one of my bestest friends," Yugi ended in a whisper. "I know."  
  
"Ignoring a message from the messengers of Ra will lead to..."  
  
"Blah blah blah," Ryou butted in, trying to stop him from saying anything else. "Lets go to Burgerland and get something to eat."  
  
BACK TO ME  
  
I grabbed a lemonade out of the fridge.  
  
"Hmm hmm hmm," I opened it and took a swig.  
  
Then a hand clamped on my shoulder.  
  
"Eeeeeeekkkkk!" I screamed like a girl and jumped up.  
  
"Marik, what are you doing?" Boomed the voice of my unfortunately-might-be- brother-in-law.  
  
"...Nothing," I answered.  
  
"Is that a Kit-Kat I see sticking out of your shirt?" Shaadi accused, pointing at the orange wrapper peeking out of my shirt.  
  
"Yes," I answered.  
  
"MARIK!" Shaadi screeched. "You know stealing is wrong! Put it back, now!"  
  
"No!" I stuck out my tongue at him.  
  
"Just wait til Ra hears what a naughty little boy you are."  
  
"Well I have the Winged Dragon of Ra, so Ra is obviously on my side."  
  
"Marik, don't make me get that candy out of your shirt myself," Shaadi warned.  
  
"I'd like to see you try," I answered.  
  
No sooner than I had said that, Shaadi jumped me!  
  
"Ahh!" Shaadi jammed his hand down my shirt, while I tried to squirm away from the bastard.  
  
Yugi merrily skipped out of the secret passage and froze when he saw us.  
  
"RAPE!" I screamed. "HELP ME! RAPE RAPE!"  
  
"Oh my!" Yugi gasped and put a hand over his mouth along with a miniature crowd.  
  
"What- What did you say?" Shaadi asked, horrified.  
  
"GET OFF ME, YOU PERV!"  
  
I knew Shaadi was blushing as he threw the candy from my shirt onto the floor.  
  
The rest of the gang emerged from the passage.  
  
"What's all the commotion?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Oh, I see you hid some down your pants, too!" Shaadi said, reaching for my pants.  
  
"OH NO! HE'S GOING FOR THE GOLD!" I shrieked.  
  
Shaadi now proceeded to jam his hand down my pants.  
  
"AHHH!!! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!"  
  
Ishizu sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "They are always like this," she informed the crowd.  
  
"I'll save you Marik!" Duke shouted. He grabbed Shaadi's ankle, causing him to lose his balance and grip on me. I bolted out of there faster than you can say "Cheese."  
  
I took the unfortunate route of going into the SECRET LAIR.  
  
"Oh, shit," I murmured when I realized that I had ran into the SECRET LAIR.  
  
I heard the door to the SECRET LAIR close.  
  
Oh shiiittt...  
  
"Am I stuck in here?" I asked no one in particular.  
  
"I'm too young and sexy to die!" I cried. "NNNOOOO!!"  
  
"Calm down," Shaadi snapped.  
  
Aw, man, not him again.  
  
"Marik, I have something of grave importance to tell you," Shaadi said in a somber tone.  
  
"What?" I asked impatiently.  
  
"I know of your evil plans."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, whatever."  
  
....He doesn't know.  
  
He can't know, right?  
  
"Ra has given me visions..."  
  
"Shaadi, this crap isn't cute, you know," I said.  
  
"I'm being serious. Your plans to take over the world will have a grave impact."  
  
"What?" I asked, now interested.  
  
"Let me show you.... what the world would be like.... if you were to succeed..."  
  
K.A. Yup. There it is. I hope I haven't lost my touch in my, uh, long time it took to update. Please review and tell me! 


	15. Step 14: What's Next?

K.A: Its about time the sleepover ended, huh?  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Care Bears, Kit Kat, Chicken Soup, or any thing else I used.  
  
Marik's guide to World Domination  
  
"I will now use my millennium key to look into your mind and show you what will happen if you succeed in your evil scheme," Shaadi told me.  
  
"Whatever asshole," I snapped while eating my kit kat.  
  
Shaadi took his little key and held it to my head and turned it.  
  
A vision appeared in front of me. There was an expensive looking palace. Then we went into the palace to see me sitting in a gold throne wearing golden robes surrounded by golden statues of myself.  
  
"Kick ass!" I blurted out happily.  
  
"Marik, you are messing up my concentration. Please be silent."  
  
"Silent this," I flipped him the bird, turning my attention back to this vision.  
  
Suddenly Kaiba whipped in front of me, wearing a diaper and a sash that said, "Happy new year 1979."  
  
"What the hell?" I stared in awe.  
  
"YEAAAHHHH!" Kaiba screamed goofily, running around in circles sloppily swinging a trash bag over his head.  
  
"Shut up you idiot," I then saw a golden block flying at his head and knocking him to the ground. I then looked to see the source and saw myself smirking and laughing.  
  
"He he I still kick ass as a Pharaoh," I giggled.  
  
Shaadi glared at me. "That is not the point."  
  
"Where is Yugi?" My Pharaoh self boomed.  
  
"Right here, sire," Tristan led Yugi to my throne.  
  
"Yeah, what the fuck do you want, bitch?" Yugi asked snottily.  
  
"HOLY CRAP DID HE JUST SAY THAT?!" I asked in amazement.  
  
Shaadi nodded. "After you took over, you forced him to see the real world in it's bloody, crude glory. Oh, and you made his grandfather wear a dress."  
  
"Well, I bet it was for Yugi's own good," I replied with a smile.  
  
"Yugi, you shall not talk to your Pharoah that way!" My kick ass self said.  
  
"Aww is the little shithead cock sucking Pharaoh being disrespected?" Yugi cooed mockingly.  
  
"Hey you little bastard don't talk to me that way or I'll throw you in the dungeon."  
  
Just then Joey walked in, wearing suspenders, huge thick glasses, and pocket protectors in all of his nerd glory.  
  
"Aw good it's wedgie time!" Yugi exclaimed.  
  
"Aw, man, snort, not again!" Joey whined in a nasally voice, pushing his glasses up.  
  
"What are you reading, dorkfuck?" Yugi sneered, ripping a book from his hands. "101 ways to be a LOSER?"  
  
"No, it's "Chicken Soup for the Geeks Soul," Joey replied.  
  
"Whatever," Yugi threw the book aside and dug his hands into Joey's pants and pulled his underwear out and dragged him to a statue.  
  
"No, please, I used to be your friend, remember?"  
  
Yugi hung Joey up from a millennium rod on a statue by his underwear. Then he smirked and walked away.  
  
"That is so disrespectful," I told Yugi. "Yet, I am amused," I added.  
  
Then a bell rung.  
  
"Suppertime!" Bakura announced, rolling a cart out, complete in a chef's hat and white outfit with an apron that said, "Hug the Chef."  
  
"Ah, about time," My Superior self said. "Bring out the official taster."  
  
Duke skipped in, wearing a trash bag that said "Royal Food Taster," on it.  
  
"Hello your sexy highness," Duke announced.  
  
"Aw, he is still a flamer," I moaned.  
  
"Quiet!" Shaadi yelled. "There is still more."  
  
"Okay, Duke, time to taste my Royal pets food," My royal self said as Bakura pulled out a can of dog food.  
  
"Oh, boy dog food tonight!" Bones exclaimed.  
  
My minions were on their knees in front of dog dishes.  
  
"Okay," Duke picked up the spoon and took a small bite then gave the thumbs up.  
  
"Now for the royal kool-aid," Bakura handed Duke a glass.  
  
"Wait, why am I drinking kool-aid?" I asked. "Shouldn't I be drinking wine?"  
  
"Well... one night you got drunk and... woke up in bed next to Tea..."  
  
"AAAHHHHHHH!" I screamed. That was the only bad part so far.  
  
My Superior self watched Bakura closely as Duke took a sip. And stared for fifteen minutes.  
  
"BAKURA YOU FORGOT THE POISON AGAIN!" My Superior self screamed.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! I'll go get it!" Bakura started to run back in the kitchen.  
  
"Well, there's no point now, doofus!"  
  
Shaadi waved his hand to clear the vision away. "A small sample, Marik."  
  
I was still staring into the air in awe.  
  
"It's over, Marik."  
  
I stared more, excited at the prospect.  
  
"See, now do you want to take over the world?" Shaadi asked.  
  
"HELL YES!" I screamed. "I am now more determined than ever to accomplish my goal!"  
  
"Aw, shit, this was supposed to make you change your mind!"  
  
"I want to see Kaiba in a diaper and Joey getting a wedgie," I said, excited. "But one thing... I will make my first act as ruler to shoot Duke in the head when I become Pharaoh."  
  
"You tried... and it didn't work," Shaadi told me.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
"Oh no!" Yugi exclaimed in a depressed voice.  
  
"What is it?" Ishizu asked.  
  
"What about all of Marik's candy?"  
  
Ishizu stared at him.  
  
"I can't pay for them all! I only have 50 cents!"  
  
Ishizu rolled her eyes. "Ignore the candy. I must show you a glimpse into the future."  
  
"Oh, is it a game?" Yugi asked excitedly.  
  
"No.. it's real." She pulled out her necklace.  
  
They were transported into Yugi's throne room. There were posters of Care Bears all over the place, the statues were of all of the individual Care bears. Candy, boardgames, and comic books were strewn all over the place.  
  
"Come on, everyone!" Yugi was dancing to "Care bears rock the house" CD.  
  
"Oh, that looks fun," the real Yugi commented.  
  
Ishizu rolled her eyes.  
  
"Whooo-hoo! The fun train is in motion!" Yugi screamed.  
  
Duke, Tristan, Joey and Tea formed the fun train behind Yugi.  
  
Yugi and the train walked up to Yami. "Want to climb aboard?"  
  
Yami shook his head, disappointed. "Where did I go wrong? Was it telling Yugi being obsessed with the Care Bears is nothing to be ashamed of?"  
  
"CHOO CHOO!" Yugi screamed, making the motion with his arm to pull the bell.  
  
"Where's my best friend Marik at?" Yugi asked.  
  
"My lover is outside," Duke announced.  
  
The train made it's way outside to the front steps of the palace, where Marik was sitting. (Yugi is watching this, so Marik is in third person).  
  
"Marik! Join us!" Yugi shouted.  
  
"Yes, darling, you can ride behind me!" Duke giggled.  
  
"I...I can't take this anymore!" Marik screamed, pulling out a gun.  
  
"Honey, are you okay?" Duke asked.  
  
"No!"  
  
Marik went to shoot himself, but no bullets came out.  
  
"What the fuck?"  
  
"Oh, silly, I outlawed bullets a long time ago," Yugi said.  
  
"Then why do you have guns, stupid?"  
  
"To ward off the evil space aliens! DUH!" Yugi yelled.  
  
"Come on baby, you know you want to climb aboard!" Duke slapped his butt.  
  
"I cant take this anymore," Ishizu waved the image away.  
  
"Wow, that looked like a great time." Yugi grinned.  
  
BACK TO ME  
  
We went back to Yugi's house and FINALLY went to sleep.  
  
The next day at school, I was dead ass tired and knew I looked like shit.  
  
"Dude, what's wrong? Your eyes are all blood shot and you look like you're gonna fall over any minute," Bakura commented.  
  
"IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THAT PERVERT!" I screamed.  
  
"Duke?"  
  
"YES! EVERY TIME I SHUT MY EYES THEN OPENED THEM, HE SCOOTED CLOSER AND CLOSER TO ME! IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE HE WAS PRACTICALLY BREATHING ON ME! SO I KEPT MY EYES OPEN FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT!"  
  
Bakura giggled.  
  
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!"  
  
Just then the teacher walked in.  
  
"Okay, after last night, I can take anything!" I said, pumped up now.  
  
"Class, take your seats."  
  
We all sat in our seats. With Duke looking back and winking at me.  
  
I shivered.  
  
"Sorry class, but the field trip today has been postponed due to circumstances beyond our control."  
  
My eyes got wide and my jaw dropped to the ground.  
  
"WHAT?!" I screamed, abruptly standing up.  
  
"Don't worry, Marik!" Yugi cheerily piped up. "That just means we can have ANOTHER slumber party!"  
  
"NOOOO!" I screamed, spreading my arms out wide and dropping to my knees. "Why me?"  
  
After that day at school, where I was so pissed off it wasn't even funny, I stomped back to the Lair.  
  
"Ooh, look Marik," Bakura's granny cooed. "You got a letter!"  
  
"A letter?" I asked, grabbing it.  
  
Now, if you want influence in my story, here we are! I am looking for VILLIANS from any anime or video game for another arc of this story. If you have a request for one, I will put it in because I need some and can't think of any except Naraku, the sexy baddie. But I don't know all of the villains, so just briefly describe the villains (looks, personality, where they come from and stuff). If I don't get any... I dunno I'll go search for some or sit down and think of the ones I know or something but I'm lazy and would like suggestions! Thanks! 


	16. Step 15: Um, a filler?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or anything else that I happened to use.  
  
Wow. I only expected a few people to half heartedly give me a bad guy when I asked, but a few more people responded than I thought! I can't use all of them, so we will have a vote! After this chapter, you will know what the bad guys are needed for, so you will e able to make your choices according to how funny the combo of bad guys can be! You can vote as many times as you want, but please no more than five at once. I will put in the top ten or around ten at least villains. I'm too lazy to make a list though...  
  
I ripped the letter open.  
  
Dear Marik-boy:  
Hello, my name is Maximillion Pegasus. I have heard of you and am very interested in you, Marik-boy, and your plans to foil Yugi-boy. This letter is to invite you to a very important event in the villain community: The annual Club of Bad Guys sleepover. You can share your plans, give advice to others, share stories, all while having FUN! There will be food, games, makeover sessions, and tons more! I expect you to arrive at my mansion at six o clock Saturday night! See you there!  
Mr. Maximillion Pegasus,  
The head of the Club of Bad Guys  
  
I stared at it for a moment. "Aw, fuck, not one of these again!"  
  
Bakura barreled in through the door. "School blows gigantic ASS! Damn, I HATE that shit!"  
  
"Well, why didn't you just let Ryou handle it? You know he's a smarty pants goody," I replied.  
  
"Well, he wasn't feeling well, so I let him rest," Bakura answered. "But.... I think I kinda failed the math test."  
  
"You KINDA failed?" I asked incredulously. "Geez, Bakura, the test was a review of stuff we did in elementary school, literally!"  
  
Okay, besides the fact that I could barely keep my eyes open and that Duke looked at me all day like he was going to eat me, school was not actually all that bad.  
  
We had a substitute teacher in math today with no lesson plans besides taking a test, so the class lied to her saying we were a remedial class, so the substitute teacher went into the math office and gave us the easiest test in the world. It was sweeetttt! What a gullible loser!  
  
Well, except to Yugi.  
  
"Guys!" He whined. "We shouldn't lie to the teacher like that! It is wrong and we can get in trouble and it's not nice...blah blah, blah blah."  
  
I let some other kids act accordingly, by giving him a swirly that afternoon.  
  
"Well, you know how I get during tests, especially math!" Bakura whined. "I get so nervous I can't see straight! My palms kept getting sweaty and my pencil kept slipping out of my hand!"  
  
"Bakura, it would have been so much cooler if you let me believe that you hit Tea in the face with your pencil on purpose."  
  
"I can't help it!" Bakura whined. "I hate math! I can't understand all that crap! I should send whoever came up with the idea of math to the shadow realm."  
  
"Bakura, the guy who made math is already dead, probably laughing at people like you."  
  
"Plus, what is that... stuff they expect you to eat at lunch?"  
  
"Oh, you mean "Surprise Slop?"  
  
"It was repulsive."  
  
"Well, that's when you use it for ammo when Yugi walks by."  
  
"Ok. Let's just blame the little fuck Yugi."  
  
"Yes, when in doubt, blame him," I nodded. "So, how is Ryou?"  
  
"Oh, he's okay, just resting."  
  
(Well well,) my Yami piped up.  
  
Aw, shit.  
  
(It seems like Ryou needs a little pick-me-up.... like our date.)  
  
"Hm, well, it was promised," I answered aloud.  
  
"He wants his date with Ryou, huh?" Bakura guessed.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Let me consult with him," Bakura closed his eyes to have a mental conversation with Ryou.  
  
"Ryou said okay," Bakura answered.  
  
(YIPEEE! Let me at some of that sweet sweet Ryou ass!)  
  
(Hey, this does not mean you can throw him down and rape him,) I answered angrily.  
  
(It's not rape if he wants to do me.)  
  
I shivered.  
  
That was just ICKY!!!  
  
(Let me out,) My Yami whined.  
  
(Hold the fuck on.)  
  
"Ok, I'll just go back to my room, let Ryou get changed and ready. Give him fifteen minutes," Bakura announced.  
  
(YES! I'M COMING OUT NOW!) My Yami screamed.  
  
(No, fifteen minutes,) The less time "He" is out, the better.  
  
(Come on! I created peep holes to his room just for times like these!)  
  
(EW YOU SICK ASS!)  
  
I waited for a few more minutes then Ryou announced, "I'm ready!"  
  
"Oka-"I couldn't even get the word out before I was pushed back and my Yami took over.  
  
"Oka-ay, baby, let's see that fine ass!" My Yami screeched.  
  
Ryou walked out, blushing furiously. He wore the tight leather pants and blue silk shirt.  
  
"Ooooh, my favorite outfit," My Yami drooled.  
  
Oh brother.  
  
"There's' no need to act shy around me, baby doll."  
  
"Um, okay," Ryou answered.  
  
"I like how those pants show off your tight little ass," My Yami announced.  
  
I have to remind myself to barf after that comment.  
  
"Well, I do workout to keep it toned," Ryou answered.  
  
"Where do you want to go?" My Yami asked. "My treat."  
  
(Well, actually MY treat,) I snapped.  
  
"How about That restaurant inside of Kaibaland?"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Off to Kaibaland we go, with my Yami touching Ryou the entire way there.  
  
When Ryou and my Yami arrived there, they were greeted by Kaibas' little shit of a brother Mokuba.  
  
"Oh, it's you guys," Mokuba snapped.  
  
(Kick the little fuck in the head!) I urged.  
  
"AWWWWW! YOU ARE JUST SO ADORABLE!" My Yami picked Mokuba up and snuggled with him.  
  
"AHHH!!! SETOOOO!" Mokuba cried. "HE'S BEING CREPY!"  
  
"Aw you are such a little cutie!" My Yami cooed. "Yes you are! Ooh, you have such nice hair!" He started to stroke Mokuba's hair.  
  
"BIG BROTHERRRR!" Mokuba screamed. "HELP ME!"  
  
"Mokuba?" Kaiba ran to the entrance where they were. "Oh, it's you guys."  
  
"YOU GUYS?" Mokuba wailed. "He TOUCHED me!"  
  
"I can't help it. I love everyone!" Ryou grinned uneasily at that comment.  
  
"Excuse my brother. He can be an obnoxious little shit sometimes," Kaiba replied.  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"Well, it's true," Kaiba shrugged. "You are annoying."  
  
"WAAAAHHHHH!" Mokuba screamed, running off.  
  
"Aw, he was so dern cute!" My Yami frowned.  
  
"So, what brings you guys here?" Kaiba asked.  
  
"We're on a DATE!" My Yami announced loudly before Ryou could react.  
  
Kaiba did a double take. "What? Without me?"  
  
That made Ryou do a double take. "What? You wanna join?"  
  
"I thought we were the three musketeers."  
  
"The more the merrier," My Yami was on Kaiba in an instant. "We would love for you to join us," he purred, stroking Kaiba's arm.  
  
"Okay, that was kinda weird," Kaiba said uneasily.  
  
"Well, don't you want to join us?"  
  
"Well, not in that way," Kaiba replied. "But I will join you for dinner here, my treat."  
  
"We were planning that anyway," Ryou nodded.  
  
"But now I don't have to pay!" My Yami piped up eagerly.  
  
Well, moneybags could stand to pay twenty dollars for dinner, I guess.  
  
Right when everyone sat at the table and got their meals, another visitor arrived.  
  
That's right.  
  
HIM  
  
Duke.  
  
"Hey, what a coincidence!" Duke shouted merrily when he spotted my Yami and the gang.  
  
Yeah, right he probably has a tracking device on me or something.  
  
"What are you doing here, Duke?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Just hanging out."  
  
AKA Stalking me.  
  
"Join us!" My Yami murmured.  
  
"Well, if you insist!" Duke hopped in beside Kaiba staring at my Yami the whole time.  
  
There we go. Don't forget to vote, and please review! Thanks! 


	17. Step 16: Duke vs Ryou and Marik's change

K.A. Yup. I'm back and working on this again! Muahahaha!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh or anything I use in this story.  
  
Marik's Guide to World Domination  
  
Duke reached across the table and grabbed my Yami's hands.  
  
"Oh, Duke, how romantic," My Yami giggled.  
  
"Hey, you're on a date with ME!" Ryou whined.  
  
Oh geez, now it's a soap opera. Should have known when Duke arrived.  
  
"Marik, you have some ketchup on your chin," Duke leaned in, ready to lick it off.  
  
(AHHHH! NO!)  
  
(Shush I am about to get some Duke lovin,) My Yami answered.  
  
"NO!" Ryou swatted Duke away.  
  
"Ow!" Duke whined, falling out of his seat.  
  
(Ha ha,) I laughed. Serves that stalker right.  
  
"La la la la la.." Seto hummed, looking at the ceiling and tapping his fingers nervously on the table.  
  
Right there with you buddy.  
  
"My lip! It's bleeding! You bastard!" Duke cried, swiping his little finger across his lip.  
  
"Well, I guess that will teach you to stay away from other people's dates, asshole," Ryou snapped.  
  
"Now now, there's enough to go around, boys," My Yami injected soothingly.  
  
"Shut up!" They both snapped.  
  
"...okay," My Yami answered meekly.  
  
"I've had enough of you always coming around and throwing yourself at my friend!" Ryou yelled.  
  
"If he is just your 'friend' why do you care so much?" Duke sneered.  
  
"I don't like you."  
  
"I don't like you either," Duke answered. "And Marik will always be my one true love and you can't stop me."  
  
"Fuck you, dice boy."  
  
"Screw you too, butthead."  
  
Wow, a side of Ryou I thought I would never see...  
  
I'm so proud of him!  
  
Kaiba stood up authoritatively. "Okay, there will be no fighting in MY restaurant. Got that?" Kaiba snapped, turning around just in time to see Ryou lunging in the air at Duke, hands stretched out like claws.  
  
"Dammit," Kaiba murmured, sitting back down.  
  
"EEKKK!" Duke screamed in a high pitched tone, running away, flapping his arms.  
  
GO RYOU! GET THAT PERVERT!  
  
"Dieeee!" Ryou screamed. But Duke had run out of the way so Ryou landed into the plastic trash cans in the corner of the restaurant with a picture of a blue eyes on them, knocking two of them over and spilling some of their contents out. Ryou sat up, rubbing his arm.  
  
"Argh! I hate you!" Ryou screamed, picking up an empty cup and launching it at Duke.  
  
"OW!" The cup caught Duke off guard and hit him on the nose.  
  
Duke ran at Ryou, still sitting in the mess, but Ryou slid out a cup that had some milkshake left in it, making the floor slippery.  
  
"Eek!" Duke slipped flat on his face.  
  
"HEY! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CLEAN THIS UP!" Kaiba screamed. Then he turned to My Yami. "Can you please stop them?"  
  
My Yami was staring at them adoringly. "They're fighting... over me!"  
  
Kaiba rolled his eyes.  
  
Ryou and Duke both had gotten up, glaring at each other.  
  
"Hiya!" Ryou grabbed a hamburger off of a random table and threw it at Duke.  
  
"Hey! You stole my hamburger!" A blonde woman stood up angrily.  
  
Duke ducked, and the burger hit someone else who had just come in the door. SLAP! Right on Joey Wheeler's face.  
  
"HEY!" Joey peeled the burger off of his face. "Who threw this?"  
  
Duke pointed at Ryou. "Him."  
  
Joey sighed. "Bakura...."  
  
Kaiba held up his hand. "Wheeler, don't."  
  
"But he hit me with a hamburger!"  
  
"Well, now it's time for me to go!" My Yami retreated hastily, letting me back out.  
  
"That asshole!" I snapped. "Going back after things get messy.  
  
"Hi!" Yugi popped up out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me.  
  
"Ah!" I jumped back.  
  
"What's the matter, darling?" Duke asked.  
  
"Nothing." Besides the fact that you WON'T LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!  
  
"What happened here?" Yugi piped up cheerily.  
  
"Ryou and Duke.... were duking it out." Kaiba answered.  
  
Yugi gasped sharply. "You mean.... the f word?"  
  
"EW! HELL NO!" Ryou screamed.  
  
"No, I'd only fuck my Marik," Duke answered.  
  
That is the first time I have ever heard him outright say something like that.  
  
And I am.... not really disgusted!  
  
Ewwww! What's wrong with me?!  
  
I shivered.  
  
"AW! YOU CUSSED!" Yugi squeaked. "I didn't mean that naughty word! Fighting!"  
  
"Oh. Yeah." Ryou answered.  
  
"And I got hit with a hamburger!" Joey snapped, obviously not over it.  
  
"Are you cold, my love?" Duke asked.  
  
"No, asshole." I answered without thinking. Then I felt something I had never felt before in my life..... guilt, I think.  
  
"What?" Duke asked touching my shoulder. I turned and look in his concerned eyes, smiling warmly.  
  
....EW! It sounds like something from a romance story!  
  
Hanging out with them is making me go SOFT!  
  
I shook my head, trying to shake it out.  
  
"Um, no. I was cold." I laughed, smiling. "But not now. But thank you anyway, Duke."  
  
"We need to go to the bathroom," Ryou yanked me by the collar and led me to the bathroom.  
  
"What?" I asked.  
  
"Don't think I didn't notice," Ryou snapped.  
  
"What?"  
  
"The look you gave Duke after he touched your shoulder. It was genuine."  
  
"No, it wasn't."  
  
"Yes it was! You didn't shake him off, and gave him a sincere look of warmth!"  
  
I sighed. "Fine. I felt bad for the fucker, okay?"  
  
Ryou glared at me. "YOU are supposed to be the master of evil, and now you have feelings for one of the enemy."  
  
"I DO NOT have feelings for Duke, Ryou." I argued. "I'm just.... I don't know... getting better at this faking friendship crap."  
  
"Oh, no. It wasn't faking. Just admit it, Marik. I mean, who wouldn't be tempted by a good-looking man throwing themselves at you and willing to do anything to please you?"  
  
"So YOU'RE saying he is good-looking?"  
  
"Well, I don't think he's good-looking, but you probably do."  
  
"Ryou, this argument is so stupid. Let's just drop it."  
  
"Ryou nodded. "Fine. Maybe this Bad guy sleepover will be good for you... I think you have been hanging out with those softies too long. Next week, your hatred of Yugi and those fuckers will be renewed."  
  
"Yea, you're probably right," I answered.  
  
"Hey, guys, who wants to go to the pool?" Yugi asked very loudly.  
  
"Yeah, hey, Marik, Bakura, come on!" Joey shouted. "What are you doing in there? Taking a dump?" Then he started cracking up.  
  
"I'll go see!" Duke volunteered. Then the bathroom door opened.  
  
"What?" Ryou glared at him.  
  
Duke glared back. "I came in to see if you guys wanted to go to the pool, dickhead."  
  
"Yes," I piped up.  
  
"Great!" Duke answered. "Meet us there in an hour, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Then Kaiba walked in. "Well, it had been very... interesting today. And I think someone is starting to like Duke," he added, elbowing me.  
  
"NO! I DO NOT!"  
  
"Let's go get ready to go to the pool." Ryou said. "You going Kaiba?"  
  
Kaiba nodded.  
  
I followed them out, the question lingering in the back of my mind... how do I really feel about Duke Devlin?  
  
He he! I know it might mot be popular, but I had to make something like this happen! Tell me where you think it should go! 


	18. Step 17: Marik is back to his normal sel...

K.A. to the joy of most, I am trying to change Marik back to his fun loving prior self.... I decided that it would funnier in the long run.... plus I don't want to lose my readers! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, Yugioh is not mine  
  
Oh no. Oh no. I must shake these evil thoughts from my head!  
  
"Come on, baby!" Duke called to me.  
  
SHUT UP FUCKER I'M TRYING TO THINK!!!  
  
"You look like you are in thought," Bakura commented.  
  
"Probably thinking about banging me," Duke replied dreamily.  
  
"No I'm not."  
  
Ok, I'm coming back to my senses now.  
  
.....  
  
Yea!  
  
We walked to where Yugi and everyone were.  
  
"Who needs their trunks?" Yugi asked loudly.  
  
"I don't need them. I'm going free," Duke announced.  
  
Ewwwww....  
  
He probably is going to try to go for the gold.....  
  
MY GOLD NOT HIS!  
  
I don't know if I want to go....  
  
"I need some," I said.  
  
"Aw, you don't want to go free with me?" Duke asked, disappointment in his voice.  
  
No, I'm sorry...YOU SICK FUCK!  
  
Sorry, I'm trying to make up for that split moment that I went crazy.  
  
"No ,that's ok, Duke," I replied.  
  
"We'll meet you," Yugi nodded and walked off.  
  
Bakura and I started back to the lair.  
  
"So, you're ok now?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Yeah, I don't know what came over me," I replied.  
  
We went into the lair and I grabbed my trunks, which were black with pictures of Yugi's head with a nail stuck through it.  
  
Bakura's trunks said "suck me," on the crotch.  
  
"Hey guys!" Yugi piped up out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me AGAIN.  
  
"Eke!" Bakura screamed girily, jumping up about three feet.  
  
"Little shit!" I screamed.  
  
"What did you say?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Um.....this is it!" I help up a random object.  
  
"Ok.....HEY!" Yugi yelled, pointing at a pile of.... magazines.  
  
"Oops."  
  
"I thought you got rid of those naughty magazines"! Yugi screeched.  
  
"How did you get into my house anyway?" Bakura asked.  
  
"Marik! You're still tainted! EWWWW!" Yugi jumped up and down, covering his eyes.  
  
I picked up one of the magazines. "Come on Yugi...."  
  
"What?" He looked at me and I shoved the magazine in his face.  
  
"AAHHHHH!" Yugi shrieked. "That wasn't very nice, Marik."  
  
"He he."  
  
"Let's go, guys," Bakura rolled his eyes.  
  
We walked to the pool, Yugi distancing himself from me the whole time.  
  
"What's wrong Yugi?" I asked.  
  
"... Dirty... Must wash..."  
  
"Yugi it's a damn magazine," I snapped.  
  
Yugi gasped loudly.  
  
"I mean, I know you're curious about it," I continued. "you can't tell me you're not."  
  
"No!" Yugi retorted. "My grandpa told me that if I looked at them..... it would fall off."  
  
This made Bakura and I both stop and gape at him with our mouths wide open.  
  
"WHAT?" Bakura screeched, giggling.  
  
"Yeah. He said, um, my member would fall off."  
  
"Yugi, that is the biggest bunch of bullshit," I replied. "In fact, it makes little Yugi feel good."  
  
"First of all, my grandpa is not a liar, and second.....who's little Yugi?"  
  
"Yugi, your grandpa sucks balls," I blurted out.  
  
Bakura's eyes popped out of his head.  
  
Oh, shit.  
  
Oops.  
  
"What did you say?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Um, your grandpa knows all," I blurted out quickly.  
  
"Oh. I thought you said something else."  
  
AT THE POOL  
  
"My looovvveeeee!" Duke screamed, running at me with his arms wide open.  
  
I stepped to the side and Duke ran into the wall.  
  
"Ow."  
  
"Let's go change," I suggested.  
  
"Ok," Duke was at my side instantly.  
  
Damn it.  
  
He wants to watch me and try to catch a glimpse of my naked body.  
  
DAMN THAT FUCK!  
  
Why can't he leave me in peace?  
  
We went into the locker room.  
  
"Duke, I thought you were going free," Kaiba said.  
  
"No, I decided to just go in my undies," Duke ripped off his pants to reveal a pair of undies with my face plastered on them.  
  
"WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?" I gasped, pointing at them.  
  
Bakura and Kaiba looked at each other and smiled.  
  
"Like them?" Duke twirled around in his tighty –whities. "I had them custom made."  
  
"Um, interesting." Kaiba tried to stifle a laugh while I gave him the evil eye.  
  
"They're in honor of my love, Marik," Duke winked at me.  
  
Ok, that guy is just...... no words can describe.  
  
"That's..... weird," I commented.  
  
"But yours have Yugi on them," Joey pointed out.  
  
But that's different.  
  
"Let's go!" Duke cried, jumping up and down.  
  
"Can you go away so I can change?" I asked.  
  
"It's ok darling. Let the world see your beauty!"  
  
I went into the bathroom stall to change, worried Duke might want to stand on top of the toilet on the other side to peek at me. 


	19. Step 18: The Deep End

K.A. I'm back with another exciting installment of Mariks Guide to World Domination!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own YuGiOh or anything else I have used here.  
  
I sighed and left the potty after I changed.  
  
And ran straight into Duke.  
  
"EK!" I shrieked shrilly, jumping back.  
  
"Did I frighten you, my darling?" Duke asked.  
  
"No, asshole."  
  
Duke's eyes widened. "Did you just call me an a-hole?"  
  
Oh, shit.  
  
"No, Duke! I would never call you any bad names!" I exclaimed in my fake voice.  
  
"AWW!" Duke squealed goofily.  
  
I looked at his trunks and shivered. Those things are soo creepy! Why, Ra, why? Why did he have to get those hideous trunks?  
  
Duke noticed me looking and giggled. "I need to get you some with ME on them, honey."  
  
"Um, no thank you," I answered. "I don't need anymore."  
  
Well, maybe I'll take them so I can have something to wipe my ass with when I run out of toilet paper.  
  
"Are you ready, guys?" Joey shouted.  
  
"Yup," Ryou sauntered out in his "suck me" trunks.  
  
Kaiba's trunks had pictures of blue eyes dragons on them and were a metallic bluish color.  
  
"Wow, Kaiba!" Yugi exclaimed. "Your trunks are so cool! But mine are cooler!" He struck a pose revealing his metallic purple Dark magician trunks.  
  
"Wow! you two match!" Duke pointed out.  
  
"Aw, dammit," I heard Kaiba murmur.  
  
"I know! We have like, a mental connection or something! Yugi and Seto, the bestest of friends!"  
  
Kaiba whipped out a fake smile. "You are so cool, Yugi."  
  
Man, hearing Kaiba say that, I'm surprised I held my laughter in like I did.  
  
"See? Seto and I are the bestest of friends," Yugi pulled a very shocked Kaiba into a tight hug.  
  
"I will never let you go," Yugi told him. Then his voice dropped into a dramatic whisper. "Never."  
  
"Um, kay," Seto gingerly pushed him away.  
  
"Let's go!" Duke jumped into the pool, and everyone followed.  
  
Except me.  
  
See, I have a problem....  
  
"Come on, sexy!" Duke shouted, waving me in.  
  
"Um, no thanks," I replied. "I will sit here and contemplate on how to take over the world."  
  
Everyone looked at me like I had three heads.  
  
"Just kidding," I laughed nervously.  
  
"Oh, he he," Joey laughed stupidly.  
  
What a fuckin idiot.  
  
"What's the matter? Don't be afraid to wet up that sexy, gorgeous, tan, absolute perfect body-"  
  
"I can't swim," I interrupted hastily, shutting the fucker up.  
  
Ryou looked at me, jaw wide open. "You can't swim, Marik?"  
  
I shook my head, embarassed of my terrible, dirty secret.  
  
Well, actually it worked in my favor this time. Hehe.  
  
"Haha, you can't swim, hahaha," Joey laughed, pointing at me. "You suck."  
  
Well, you suck balls, buddy. Stupid ass.  
  
"Aw, it's okay," Yugi called from the opposite end of the pool. "Come join me on the shallow end. I'm not tall enough for the deep end. I have to swim over here."  
  
"Well...." I really did not want to join that little shit Yugi in the pool, but you gotta do what you gotta do.  
  
"Okay," I slowly made my way toward the shallow end with 'him.'  
  
"Hey, Marik!" Yugi giggled like a five year old. "See? It's not so bad over here."  
  
"Um, sure."  
  
I half heartedly splashed around for a few moments until Duke was suddenly at my side.  
  
"Hey, sweetcheeks."  
  
Sweetcheeks?! Me?!  
  
"Join me," he urged.  
  
"No," I answered.  
  
"Duke, are you going to stay over and play with us?" Yugi asked in a high pitched voice.  
  
"No. I'm going to play with Marik," Duke answered.  
  
Ok, I KNOW that had a sexual connotation!  
  
"Okay," Yugi happily answered.  
  
"Come with me."  
  
"No, Duke I told you I can't swim!" I yelled.  
  
"Marik?" Ryou called.  
  
"I'll help you," Duke grabbed my arm and pulled before I could react.  
  
"EEKKK!" I squealed.  
  
"Don't worry," Duke whispered in my ear. "You're with me, darling."  
  
"Duke, let go!" I shoved away from him.  
  
But then I noticed...  
  
I'm on the deep end!  
  
"Aw, my little Marik is trying to be a big boy now!" Duke squealed.  
  
"Help me!" I flailed wildly, feeling my self going down deeper and deeper into the water.  
  
"Marik, I'm coming!" I heard Ryou swimming at me.  
  
"Okay, wait I got him. Help me," I felt Kaiba wrap his arms around me and lift me back up into breathable air.  
  
After Ryou and Kaiba helped me out of the water, I landed on my hands and knees, coughing like a maniac.  
  
"Okay?" Joey asked, patting me on the back.  
  
"I feel awful," I fell down on my tummy and closed my eyes.  
  
"MMYYY LLOOVVEE!" Duke shouted loudly. "Are you okay, sweetie?"  
  
"Duke, he's okay," Yugi told him in a soothing tone.  
  
"I think he needs some mouth to mouth," Duke put his arms on my shoulders and turned me on my back.  
  
I popped my eyes open to Duke puckering his lips, bent over.  
  
"Noooonononono, I'm fine," I jumped up to avoid "the kiss of doom."  
  
"Damn," Duke muttered, disappointed that he couldn't get these hot lips.  
  
"Do you wanna go back in?" Yugi asked. "With me?"  
  
"Okay, as long as a certain someone doesn't harass me about going to the damn deep end," I looked at Duke pointedly.  
  
"Well, sorry love, I was trying to help."  
  
Has Duke said one thing to me without a pet name attached?  
  
"We will stay with you," Ryou and Kaiba escorted me to the shallow end.  
  
We were perfectly enjoying ourselves, just hanging out at the deep end chillin, until I felt something brush against my legs.  
  
"AAACCCCCKKKKKK!" I shrieked loudly, jumping up. "A SHARK!"  
  
"We're in a pool, stupid," Kaiba answered.  
  
"Shut up and get it away!"  
  
Duke popped up. "Hehe."  
  
That fucker was feeling me up in the pool!  
  
I can't go anywhere with being violated by 'it.'  
  
"Come on, honey. Play with me! I'm bored!"  
  
Stupid asshole.  
  
"Let's get out of here this sucks," I announced, hoping to get away from this place of evil.  
  
"And do what?" Yugi piped up.  
  
"You just wanna go because you're a crappy swimmer and are jealous of the great Joseph Wheeler," Joey said being ass-like.  
  
"Screw you Wheeler," I snapped.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I SAID SCREW YOU WHEELER," I said louder, just annoyed in general at all of these stupid shitheads.  
  
Joey gasped. "Aww, I'm telling on you!"  
  
"Grow up," I snapped.  
  
"Hey, what does that mean?" Joey whined.  
  
"You're in high school, for Ra's sake. Shut the fuck up and quit being a stupid little fucker, ok? You piss me off."  
  
"Look who's talking, girly boy."  
  
That ass just called me a girly boy!  
  
Yugi's eyes widened, ad he clutched his chest with his hands. "Wha-wha- what?"  
  
"I'm sorry Yugi, but I had to vent," Joey apologized.  
  
"Look, Yugi, let's just leave." I said. "I feel so inferior to you guys that I just lost my temper."  
  
Whew it took a lot out of me to say that!  
  
"It's ok, Marik," Joey-the-ass replied. "I know we all have our moments where we we just lose ourselves. Hug?"  
  
...........  
  
Whew I did one of the hardest things I have ever had to do hanging out with these geeks.  
  
I hugged Wheeler. It was quick, though.  
  
"My turn!" Duke grabbed me from behind.  
  
"EEKKKK!" I screamed shrilly (again). 


	20. Step 19: Revalations II sort of

K.A. This was extremely hard to write. Phew! Wow, the longest chapter ever for this story! (is this a good or bad thing...?) Remember – Marik likes reviews! So do I!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own YuGiOh or Pokemon or any of their characters. Or anything else that I have used here.  
  
Marik's Guide to World Domination  
  
Duke was still hooked on to me with a death grip, arms around my neck.  
  
"Can't..... breathe...." I panted heavily. "Gerrrrttt.....offff..umph!" I slowly tried to unclaw him from me.  
  
"What, are you okay, lovebuns?" Duke asked very loudly, right into my fuckin ear.  
  
Well I'll be just fine when you get THE FUCK OFF OF ME!  
  
"Um, get off me," I gently shoved Duke away.  
  
"Darn, I see you are not in the mood for some dukey dice lovin, babe."  
  
Well, duh no shit. When am I ever in the mood for that 'thing' to touch me?  
  
"Are you having those problems that teenage boys get when they are around someone they love?" Duke asked, cooing.  
  
"Well I'm not around someone I love so I wouldn't know what you're talking about," I answered in a coo voice of my own.  
  
The look on Duke's face was........ sad........ his lips curled down into a frown........ his eyes narrowed, starting to water ever so slightly........  
  
IT WAS SO SWEET! WHOO-HOOO!  
  
I haven't felt this good since I pinned the donkey tail on Yugi!  
  
"I see," he answered in a low, angry tone.  
  
Kaiba arched his eyebrows in surprise.  
  
Aw, did I make wittle Duke maddy-poo?  
  
"Well, anyway, now that we all LOVE each other again, time for us to go!" Yugi squealed happily. Damn, that boy is so clueless to everything!  
  
Oh, goody.  
  
The bestest of friends, like we were before! *Giddy fake squeal*  
  
Pshht, yeah.  
  
"Let's go to the arcade!" Joey yelled.  
  
"Aw, Joey, you know I'm not tall enough to reach the buttons..."  
  
"Well, see you guys later," I waved to everyone, and then nodded at Kaiba and Bakura to follow me out.  
  
"I'll definitely see you later, Marik," Duke called out to me. "Because I know you really secretly want it."  
  
"Want what?" Yugi the ditz asked.  
  
Yeah, want what?  
  
Oh well.  
  
I rolled my eyes to myself. What is he going to do? Dice me to death?  
  
"Damn! Stupid dicey boy dick head won't leave me alone!" I cried as we were walking back to the lair. "I always come this close to knocking out that assholes two front teeth!"  
  
"Hmm..." Kaiba looked off, thinking.  
  
"What?" I asked. "What has that incredibly huge smart brain of yours thought of?"  
  
"Duke probably loves the chase, even though he probably won't catch you. He must sense that it has an effect on you and enjoys it."  
  
"Well, no shit doofus," I sneered, not angry at Kaiba necessarily but the thought of Duke. "I could have told you that. Just stick to the computers and books, ok?"  
  
"Yeah, well," Kaiba continued, ignoring me, "He didn't seem so happy after you said that to him about not being around someone you love."  
  
"First, I don't give a shit. Second, he can't make me love him," I answered. "I don't even like the stupid bastard. He can kiss my ass."  
  
"Hehe. He might like that," Bakura giggled.  
  
"Well, just as long as he doesn't mess with your plans of world domination, right?"  
  
"Right," I answered. The fucker is going down if he messes my plans up.  
  
Even though I'm not quite sure what my plans are, though.  
  
"If he finds out about your plans he might blackmail you," Kaiba whispered as if Duke were following us as we spoke.  
  
Um... okay.  
  
But then again this is Duke we are talking about.  
  
And he probably IS following us, being the fucked up stalker that he is.  
  
Bakura shrugged. "I think it's kinda funny."  
  
I stopped abruptly looking at him on shock. "What did you just say?"  
  
"It's.... funny?"  
  
WHAT?!  
  
"I can't believe you!" I cried, jumping up and down, stomping my feet like a two year old. Immature, yes, but this is me we are talking about. "I can't believe you are laughing at my pain! You asshole! I thought you were my FRIEND!"  
  
Kaiba took in a sharp breath. "Marik..."  
  
"SHUT UP!" I dug my face in my hands. "BA-BAKURA THINKS THIS FREAK HITTING ON ME IS FUNNY! I CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT DUKE MIGHT TRY TO RAPE ME THE NEXT DAY, AND YOU THINK ITS FUNNY!"  
  
"Marik, I'm sorry," Bakura replied, hastily changing his voice to a soothing tone and putting a hand over my shoulder in an attempt to comfort. "I didn't know you couldn't sleep at night."  
  
"Well..." I looked up, grinning. "I can. I just wanted to be dramatic. Hehe."  
  
Bakura glared at me, pushing me a little when he moved his arm from my shoulders. "I can't believe you tried to make me feel guilty, you fuckhead!"  
  
I shrugged. "Hey, it's part of being a bad guy. But I don't find Duke being on me every waking moment funny either."  
  
"But I do," Bakura announced, now seemingly proud of it.  
  
"You know what? I think you guys are stupid.... but in a loveable way," Kaiba remarked.  
  
"Aw, we are just like one big happy family!" I squealed, imitating Tea.  
  
Speaking of Tea, it's been a while since I've seen the bitch.  
  
......  
  
Oh well! Who cares!  
  
We arrived at the lair, where my minions were passed out on the floor by their doggy dishes.  
  
Oops. I forgot about them.  
  
"Hey, you lazy shits!" I kicked Weevil in the head.  
  
"Ow!" He whined in that annoying ass voice of his.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing SLEEPING?" I asked.  
  
"Marik, I think you might be-" Bakura started before I stopped him.  
  
"Shut the fuck up, I know what I'm doing," I snapped impatiently. "I'm the evil genius here."  
  
"Evil genius my ass," Kaiba rolled his eyes.  
  
"Hey, when I'm done with this, I'm going to write a book that will be a national bestseller."  
  
Which is in the process. Muahaha.  
  
"Now get up!" I barked at the lazy minions.  
  
"Um, I'm going to go now..." Kaiba tried to inch toward the door.  
  
"Where do you think you're going?" I asked.  
  
"Marik I think you need to sit down and relax."  
  
Hm , I guess I am being snappy.  
  
"Yeah, let's just hurry up and get to that villain sleepover," I answered. I looked at the envelope of the letter I got from Mr. Pegasus. "Hm, I should print out directions."  
  
"What about us?" Keith asked.  
  
"Oh.... you can just stay there. Whatever. I don't care anymore. Drool or something."  
  
I grabbed my overnight bag and Bakura grabbed his. Then we made our way to Kaibas big ass house.  
  
"Okay, you know the deal," Kaiba said as we walked into his big ass living room.  
  
"I know, I know. Sit down and don't touch anything," Bakura interrupted.  
  
When Kaiba left, I looked at Bakura.  
  
"Let's fuck up his stuff on purpose!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Hmmm hmm hmmm hmmm hmm...." I slowly made my way toward a shelf of duel monsters figures and casually knocked them over.  
  
"Oops," I giggled as Bakura kicked over a pile of magazines under a coffee table.  
  
"He he," I giggled as I put Kaiba's blue eyes figure in a position that it was humping the red eyes.  
  
"What are you doing?" I suddenly heard Kaiba's voice boom from behind.  
  
Oh, shit. "Um, um, nothing," I stammered, quickly trying to undo my handiwork. But Kaiba pushed his arm past me to grab the blue eyes off of the red eyes.  
  
"Marik, you are so immature."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I knew you guys were going to fuck with my stuff. I should child proof the living room."  
  
"Aw, fuck you," I answered.  
  
"Nope. Duke's job."  
  
Aw, no he just didn't!  
  
"Aw, no you just didn't!" I squealed in a high pitched voice. "Bitch!"  
  
"I love you too," he threw me a big smile.  
  
"I need to use your computer," I pointed to a computer sitting in the corner of the room.  
  
"Um.... no." Kaiba answered.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because...."  
  
"It's already on. I'll only be a minute," I hopped in the luxurious chair to Kaiba's luxurious computer that has a cordless mouse and keyboard. I moved the mouse to get the blue eyes screensaver off.  
  
"Man, you are obsessed with your blue eyes," I commented.  
  
"Almost as much as how Duke is obsessed with you," Kaiba shot back.  
  
"Oooh. You're good. I am pleased," I nodded. Kaiba has wit. This is a good quality in evil people. "You get more and more evil as time goes by. I think I'm going to cry." I wiped away a fake tear.  
  
"Aw, that touches me right here," Kaiba put his hand over his heart, voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"I-awww!" I gasped, pointing at the screen, my mouth wide open. "What is this?"  
  
"Um... I don't know?" Kaiba answered, looking up at the ceiling.  
  
"What are you talking about-" Bakura stopped when he saw the screen. "Kaiba?"  
  
"I- I-" Kaiba stammered. Bakura sat down and grinned.  
  
"No, there is no need to explain yourself. I am very displeased," I snapped.  
  
"Is there a problem with liking Pokemon?" Kaiba asked.  
  
"That's a bad Kaiba! That's the wrong show, stupid! We like duel monsters, remember!"  
  
"Well, is there a law saying that I can't like Pokemon and duel monsters?"  
  
"That's our rival show! It's like pikachu vs blue eyes!" I yelled.  
  
"AH-HA! You knew one of their names!" Kaiba pointed accusingly.  
  
"Well, how can I not? That big yellow fuck is every where I go!"  
  
"Don't call pikachu a yellow fuck!"  
  
"Yellow fuck, yellow fuck!"  
  
"Okay, this is stupid," Bakura got up. "Kaiba, you're a dork. End of story."  
  
"Yup," I replied.  
  
I saw a big stuffed pikachu sitting on the floor in the corner of the living room. I kicked it! Then I proceeded to get the directions to the sleepover.  
  
"Well, anyway, let's go now. We should be there soon," I answered.  
  
"Fine," Kaiba pouted, probably over the pikachu thing. He picked up his bag and we left his huge ass house.  
  
"So, where is this?" Kaiba asked as we climbed into his limo.  
  
"Um..." I pulled out the directions I printed off. "Give this to your driver."  
  
Kaiba handed the sheet to the driver.  
  
"Haha Kaiba," I laughed. "Now if you talk about Duke, I have something to throw at you – your love of pikachu!"  
  
Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Did I already tell you that you are such a brat?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Then we sat in silence for the rest of the trip.  
  
"Ok," the driver stopped the car after a while and let us out.  
  
"Look at that house!" I pointed.  
  
Well, it was more like mansion.  
  
No, make that CASTLE. It was twenty times the size of Kaiba's place. I looked over and saw Kaiba gaping too.  
  
We walked up the long ass path to the porch and rang the bell.  
  
A man with long silver hair and a red suit answered the door.  
  
"Ah, Marik boy!" He exclaimed in a fruity voice. "I've been waiting for you!"  
  
Oh boy. This is going to be fun. 


	21. Step 20: The Horror of a Sleepover again

Very long. But hopefully somewhat as funny as the others.... enjoy  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Backstreet boys, Inuyasha, Dragon Ball, Pokemon or any of their characters... and anything else I used in the making of this chapter.  
  
Mariks Guide To World Domination  
  
"We're going to have _so_ much fun, Marik-boy," Pegasus squealed.  
  
I didn't like him. He was creepy.  
  
Bakura, Kaiba and I were led into his "humble abode," in which there was a lot of expensive looking stuff.  
  
Well, this could turn out to be quite fun after all, muahahaha!  
  
"Hey, you're the creator of duel monsters, aren't you?" Kaiba asked, stars in his eyes.  
  
"Why, yes, I am. You must be Kaiba-boy, the genius CEO."  
  
"He knows who I am!" Kaiba squealed like an eleven-year-old girl at a Backstreet Boys concert. "The _creator of duel monsters _knows who I am! Sir, can I have your autograph?"  
  
"I'll give you more than that, Kaiba-boy," Pegasus answered seductively.  
  
"Really?" Kaiba answered stupidly, not getting the underlying message.  
  
"Lets go in," I pulled Kaiba roughly in to what I believed was the living room.  
  
"Ow," Kaiba whined as Bakura set our bags down.  
  
"Doofus," I whispered fiercely to Kaiba.  
  
"You're calling _me_ a doofus?" Kaiba answered incredulously.  
  
"Look. Pegasus is Duke-like creepy."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU COMPARE MY IDOL TO THAT FREAK DUKE!" Kaiba screamed.  
  
This caused a man with long silver hair with a moon on his forehead to peek in.  
  
"Hey! It's Sesshoumaru from Inuyasha!" Bakura cried out. "I love that show!"  
  
"Hello," he nodded at us. "What's all the commotion? All this anger will cause you to age faster. Unless, of course, you use my age defying cream."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Two hundred dollars, please. Or I'll take a piece of the sacred jewel shard, if you have it."  
  
"What? Hell no! Two hundred dollars for a stupid cream that won't even work? Yeah, right. Besides, I don't need it. I'm dead sexy," I answered.  
  
"Hey! It does too work! Look at me! I'm two hundred years old (a/n: ok, I don't know if he is really that age...) and I look eighteen."  
  
"Lord Sesshoumaru," a little green thing called out, hobbling into the room.  
  
"ACK! A BUG!" Bakura cried, jumping up.  
  
"Ew! I'll kill it!" Kaiba took off his shoe and threw it at the green thing's head and it bounced off.  
  
"Ow! It cried, still alive.  
  
"That is a big bug," I commented.  
  
"Ooh! I got it!" Bakura whipped out some bug spray.  
  
"Where did that come from?" I asked.  
  
"I keep a spare. It's for emergencies," Bakura answered.  
  
"Oh, ok. Proceed," I answered.  
  
Bakura started to soak it with the spray.  
  
"Ahh!" the green thing choked.  
  
"I think I got it!"  
  
"What... is... this.... human contraption?"  
  
"Cool! It talks!" Kaiba noticed a little too late, looking at it curiously.  
  
"Oh, lets sell it to science and get a lot of money!" Bakura shouted.  
  
"Ooh, brilliant!" I answered.  
  
"Ok, ok," Sesshoumaru answered. "It's not a bug. It's my servant, Jaken."  
  
"What?" I asked, disappointed.  
  
"Yeah. Come, Jaken, finish my manicure."  
  
"My lord, may I ask why you did not stop them sooner," Jaken asked with a slight hint of malice in his voice.  
  
"It amused me," Sesshoumaru answered in an unreadable tone. "Now shut up and finish my manicure!"  
  
"Yes, sir!" Jaken whipped out the nail file and went to work.  
  
"Ow, you fucker!" Sesshoumaru yelled, suddenly shoving Jaken away.  
  
"What my liege?"  
  
"Stop being so rough!" Sesshoumaru whined. "You know I bruise easily!"  
  
"I'm _sorry_, Sesshoumaru."  
  
"Let's go," I turned and bumped into 'ol Peggy himself.  
  
"Marik-boy!"  
  
Why does he attach "boy" to everyone's name?  
  
Is this... some sexual slang I have not heard of?  
  
"I have a fab-u-lous meal cooked up!"  
  
"Um..." I answered.  
  
"You've already met Sesshy.... go around and meet some of the others. They're dying to meet your cute ass!"  
  
AH-HA!  
  
I know, I know, I'm so damn sexy.  
  
No one can resist me.  
  
"There's a group," Kaiba pointed.  
  
We walked over...  
  
But bumped into a short bald dude first.  
  
"Hey, watch it!"  
  
"Sorry... Hey! You're not a bad guy! You're Krillin from that Dragon Ball show!" I pointed accusingly.  
  
"I know, I know," he whispered. "I come here for the food. Pegasus has some bangin steak well, see ya!" He waved and ran off.  
  
"How odd," Bakura piped up.  
  
Anyway, we continued to the group of people.  
  
"Hey, it's Naraku from Inuyasha! He's so cool!" Bakura squealed.  
  
"What's happening?" Naraku boomed in a deep voice, smiling at us.  
  
The funny part about him having the deep, manly voice is...  
  
He looks kind of like a girl.  
  
A very pretty girl, but a girl nonetheless.  
  
"I love your show! We just met Sesshoumaru!" Guess who said that?  
  
"Oh. Him." Naraku sneered. "He is such a primadonna, isn't he? Damn, he pisses me off."  
  
Hehe.  
  
"He thinks he is so much better than me just because he is a full blooded demon and I'm not. Well, _excuse me_, but who is more powerful? Me."  
  
"Um, why don't you two work together?" I asked.  
  
"We tried that."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Whatever," Naraku flipped his thick black hair. "I hear Pegasus is going to initiate you into the Bad Guys club."  
  
"What does this... _initiation_ consist of?"  
  
Naraku's red eyes twinkled maliciously. "Don't worry, he'll probably be more gentle with you."  
  
O-ookay....  
  
"I want to leave," I whispered to Kaiba. "This is creepy."  
  
Kaiba rolled his eyes. "He was probably fucking with you because you're new."  
  
I sighed and turned and bumped into Duke.  
  
What in the fuck?! I did a double take in horrified surprise.  
  
"What the heck are you doing here, Duke?" I asked. "This is a Bad Guy sleepover!"  
  
"I know," Duke answered slyly. "I was a bad guy when I first met Yugi, so I officially qualify. You only need to be a bad guy for more than one episode of a show to be considered for the club."

Damn Pegasus' stupid ass rules.  
  
"What? You were a bad guy?"  
  
"Yup. Plus, Pegasus and I are... close."  
  
"I'll bet," I sneered.  
  
You know what they do when they're together....  
  
Ew! That thought is so fuckin nasty!  
  
"So we can hang out _all night long_!" Duke grabbed me into a hug.  
  
Dammit. I'm doomed.  
  
"Hey, Dukey-boy!" Pegasus called out.  
  
"Peggy!" Duke let me go and pulled Pegasus into a tight hug.  
  
It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen.  
  
Then Pegasus started stroking his finger down Duke's back.  
  
"Aw, I can't take this," I ran out of the room.  
  
But then I looked back and saw Kaiba standing there with a blank look on his face.  
  
"Kaiba!" I hissed.  
  
He stood there for what seemed like an eternity before his eyes popped open extremely wide, like the lightbulb was going off above his head.  
  
"Ohhh, that's what he meant," Kaiba murmured in a knowing voice.  
  
"Duh, dipshit!"  
  
"We're right behind you!" Kaiba and Bakura ran after me.  
  
"Ok, this is sick and creepy. Let's go, now."  
  
"Ok, I agree," Kaiba nodded sadly knowing his idol was in cahoots with Duke.  
  
We tiptoed to the door....  
  
"HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Someone yelled.  
  
"Fuck. Move faster," I whispered.  
  
"No, don't leave!" Pegasus ran in front of me. "Why do you want to leave, Marik-boy?"  
  
"Um...."  
  
Pegasus flashed me a smile. "I think you're hungry. How about we eat now?"  
  
Then he grabbed me and dragged me to a large ass table.  
  
"You're the guest of honor," so I had to sit right by 'ol Peggy. But I at least had Bakura on my other side. Unfortunately, Kaiba got separated from us... but the good news is that he got to sit beside an infamous duo from his favorite show....  
  
"Hehe huh hehe huh," the blue haired dude laughed like a horse.  
  
"James, stop laughing," a girl with extremely long red hair snapped.  
  
"I just can't believe we have been invited to the Bad Guys club sleepover! We're so incompetent as bad guys!"  
  
"Can I have your autograph?" Kaiba interjected in a low voice.  
  
"I heard that!" I looked at Kaiba. "Kaiba loves Pokemon! Kaiba loves Pokemon!"  
  
Kaiba glared at me.  
  
"Oh, I'll give you more than that," James answered.  
  
"Ok...." then Kaiba thought a moment. "No! I see. You want a piece of my sexiness! Well, you can't have it!"  
  
"Um...." James and the girl looked at each other.  
  
"I mean, how can you try to take advantage of an innocent, ruthless, cold- hearted, mean CEO like me?" Kaiba went on.  
  
"Well..."  
  
"I know I'm sexy, but I swear almost every guy I meet wants me! Well, no more being taken advantage of!"  
  
"Are you done?" James asked.  
  
Kaiba looked up in thought. "..Um.....hm.... no... I already said that....mmmm, no."  
  
"Good, because what I meant was that I could give you a T-shirt and membership card to our fan club. In case you are wondering, I am not gay."  
  
Kaiba looked dumbfounded for a moment.  
  
"Oh." He blushed an extremely bright red and slunk down in his seat quite a bit.  
  
"Move it!" Duke pushed Bakura aside to sit next to me.  
  
"Hey!" Bakura called from the floor. "I'm gonna kick your ass, Dice Boy!"  
  
"I'll give you more than an autograph, and I mean it in the sexual way," Duke whispered to me after flipping Bakura the bird.  
  
"I feel so honored," I spit back sarcastically.  
  
"You should," Duke answered, stroking my arm.  
  
I shoved it away.  
  
"Why do you keep resisting me?" Duke asked.  
  
"Because I don't want you," I answered. "You annoy me. Go away."  
  
"Oh, you're just in denial. You'll accept it with time. You're mine."  
  
"Duke, if you don't get the fuck out of my face with this creepy talk, I'm gonna deck you so hard you'll be talking out of your ass," I sneered.  
  
"Marik-boy, we don't tolerate mean talk at our table. Croquet, bring out the paddle," Pegasus called.  
  
The paddle?  
  
Uh-oh.  
  
I'm going into panic mode.  
  
"Duke, since you are the victim, you get the honor."  
  
"What?" I jumped up. "That asshole is the victim? What about _me_?!"  
  
"Oh. More bad talk, more paddling!"  
  
Duke studied the paddle like it was a china plate.  
  
"Marik, bend over," Pegasus pointed his finger down, beckoning me to bend over.  
  
I would rather stab myself with a frozen pencil than let Duke and Pegasus have that satisfaction!  
  
"No."  
  
Duke grinned. "Come on, Marik. I promise not to hit too hard."  
  
"_Make_ me, asswipe!"  
  
Bad thing for me to say....  
  
(Ooh! My turn!) My Yami called out .  
  
(Oh no you don't!) I snapped back at him, trying to hold him back.  
  
But I couldn't.  
  
"Alright!" My Yami called out.  
  
"Is it just me, or did his hair just stand up on it's own?" The girl whispered to James.  
  
"Not if we're both going crazy, Jesse."  
  
"Want me to bend over, baby?" My Yami turned and mooned everybody.  
  
"Oh my," Pegasus blushed.  
  
(NNOOOO!) I took control back just enough to pull my pants back up.  
  
(Stop being such a party pooper!) My Yami took control again to moon everybody again.  
  
This basically happened for the next five minutes with Bakura and Kaiba laughing and Duke cheering when the pants went down and groaning when they came back up.  
  
(I give up) and I let my oh so adorable Yami have control.  
  
"YEA!" My Yami went back to mooning.  
  
"Come on, Dukey baby. Hit me," My Yami waved his ass in front of Duke.  
  
"Um, ok." Duke whacked My Yami.  
  
"Oooh, baby. Do it again."  
  
Duke hit him again.  
  
"Man, this makes me _soo _horny," My Yami commented, looking back and winking at Duke who grinned back.  
  
Well, please R&R! Thanks!


	22. Step 21: Bakura knows what to do or mayb...

K.A. I realized that this "sleepover" idea is not working the way I wanted it – so I shall end it and move on to bigger, better, funnier things. It's ok, though.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Nope, not mine. Young and Restless is not mine either. Either is anything else I used.  
  
Hello, my faithful students. It's been a while since I talked to you directly.  
  
Let's see.... currently my asshole of a Yami has control of my body and I am at good ole Peggy's house – and he is as fruity and fucked up as they come.  
  
I must escape somehow – but how?  
  
Then I was helped from where I wanted it the least.  
  
"Mmm, Duke, you make me _soooo _hot," My Yami panted anxiously.  
  
(Geez, stop it!) I whined.  
  
(Duke is so cute. Why do you turn him down?) My Yami answered.  
  
Bakura stood, an angry look on his face. "I'm gonna kick me some dice-dork ass!"  
  
(Bakura.... Ryou..... can you help me again?) I asked through our mental link.  
  
Kaiba stared from across the table, frozen.  
  
(Um, what can I do?)  
  
(Anything!)  
  
"I want you so bad, Marik," Duke grinned. "You are such a tease... one minute you seem to want me as much as I want you, the next you act like you hate my guts...."  
  
Bakura growled.  
  
"It makes me want you even more," Duke continued.  
  
Aw, man, sometimes I wonder how I keep my already small amount of sanity I have.  
  
"I have heard enough!" Bakura jumped in between them. "So, Marik, this is the thanks I get for all of those nights of passion I shared with you?!"  
  
"Huh?" My Yami suddenly jerked around and stared at him, his face getting flushed. "Passion?" He squeaked.  
  
"WHAT?" Duke'e eyes popped open.  
  
"Wow, get the popcorn, this is like the Young and the Restless, except without the old men.... or any women...yeah...." Pegasus announced.  
  
"I love soap operas," Sesshoumaru's eyes lit up.  
  
"You tell me. Whew, he gets cranky when I forget to tape All my Children," Jaken commented.  
  
"You _always_ forget to tape it!" Sesshoumaru accused angrily. "And you know how much I love the show!"  
  
"ANYWAY," Bakura interrupted angrily. "So, what do you have to say for yourself, Marik? Betraying your lover like this, in public!"  
  
Kaiba stood up. "How dare you not include me! I'm part of the team, too!"  
  
"Ooh, and the story unfolds!" Pegasus commented eagerly.  
  
(Well, my life is officially over) I commented to Bakura.  
  
(It was the only thing I could think of!)  
  
"Um..." My Yami was bright red. "Um, ah, err... we never did anything."  
  
"How dare you deny it, asshole!"  
  
"I like your hikari," My Yami mumbled. "He's hot."  
  
"Oh, so there's SOMEONE ELSE? Damn you, you stupid pimp."  
  
"Ok, ok, I know I'm sexy," My Yami jumped up. "If you want a ride, just say so."  
  
"Well, I don't want a ride on a worn out bike..."  
  
"What's going on?" Duke whined. "I'm confused!"  
  
"They.... _they were having sex behind my back_!" Kaiba blurted out, eyes tightly shut in embarrassment.  
  
"Kaiba, it's ok," Bakura winked at him.  
  
"Oh, so now it's Bakura-boy and Kaiba-boy!" Pegasus put in his two cents.  
  
"Don't you love me?" Bakura asked my Yami.  
  
"Um..."  
  
"He loves ME!" Duke grabbed my Yami and planted a big wet one on him.  
  
And, essentially, on me too.  
  
NNOOOOOOO!!!  
  
It was so nasty!  
  
Even nastier than that time I accidentally ate a toothpick.  
  
Don't ask.  
  
Then, a loud, annoying ass alarm suddenly went off.  
  
"INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDER ALERT."  
  
"Fuck! Someone has broken in!" Pegasus whispered.  
  
"Hold me," Duke clutched my Yami.  
  
Bakura roughly shoved him off.  
  
Then the alarm turned off.  
  
One of Pegasus goons came in. "Sorry, sir. Must have been a fluke."  
  
Pegasus rolled his eyes. "Imbecile."  
  
"Eek!" Sesshoumaru jumped up. "Something brushed my leg!"  
  
Then.... YUGI popped up.  
  
"What's going on?" He piped up cheerfully. "A sleepover without me?"  
  
"It's him!" Pegasus pointed, horrified.  
  
"EVACUATE!" Naraku jumped up and fled, followed by the others, including Peggy himself. Kaiba stormed out of the room in anger.  
  
"Um... are we playing hide and seek?" Yugi piped up.  
  
I can't believe this... but I was actually glad the little fucker broke up the party.  
  
"Yugi, how did you find out?" Bakura asked.  
  
"You can't hide anything from _meeeee_," Yugi replied in a singsong voice.  
  
Ok, mega creepy.  
  
Almost Duke-creepy.  
  
(Here. You can have control back. Fun's over for now) then I was in control again.  
  
"Whew. I'm back." I said.  
  
Damn my Yami for coming to RUIN everything then leaving for the aftermath.  
  
"What do you mean, sugarlips? You've been here all along," Duke started to caress my arm.  
  
"Get the fuck away from me!" I shoved his hand away.  
  
"That's not nice," Yugi announced sternly.  
  
"Yeah, well, he's mine," Bakura grabbed me before I could react and crushed his lips against mine, wrapping his arms around my waist protectively.  
  
Man, it was rough, too. His lips eagerly forced mine open and his tongue found its way into my mouth like it was searching for something.  
  
"Mrm-" I tried to mumble, but it just gave Bakura a better opportunity to stick his tongue deeper in my mouth.  
  
"Aw, man!" Duke kicked the ground while Yugi was standing there, mezmerized.  
  
"Look, I found a Pokemon-" Kaiba started, freezing when he saw Bakura kissing me.  
  
"Ah-ha! Leaving me out _again_?!" Kaiba screeched.  
  
This was weird.  
  
I mean, after Duke, it's not bad, but it's still weird.  
  
Bakura is like my best friend, and here we are kissing, tongue and all.  
  
Well, after what seemed like a century, he pulled away, nervously raking a hand through his silver hair.  
  
"Dude, that was _weird_," I whispered.  
  
"I know, but it had to be done. Now maybe Duke will leave you alone."  
  
"OH THIS MEANS WAR, MAN-STEALER!" Duke cried pumping his fist. "Marik will be _mine_. Marik, I'll make you forget about this albino man stealing ho and you'll be riding the Duke train soon enough."  
  
Aw, DAMMIT!  
  
Well, I already knew I was cursed for life.  
  
"Hey, you better watch it, dice-fucker!"  
  
"Who you calling dice-fucker, asswipe?"  
  
I sighed.  
  
Kaiba glared at me. "I can't believe you two went behind my back like this!"  
  
"It's ok, Seto," Yugi grabbed his leg. "I'll help ease your pain."  
  
"Um, that's ok..." Seto tried to shake him off.  
  
"You can't get rid of me that easily," Yugi held on for dear life.  
  
"Get... OFF!" Seto violently shook his leg now.  
  
"I'll never let go."  
  
"Let's just leave," I led the way out.  
  
NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL.....  
  
Seto and I sat in the back, waiting for Bakura to arrive.  
  
Yugi turned around. "Where's your boyfriend?"  
  
Beside him, Duke angrily slammed his fist on his desk. "Marik is my man!"  
  
"Not for much longer," Duke mumbled.  
  
Then Bakura walked in the room, Duke staring daggers at him.  
  
"Hey-" Bakura waved, walking back, until he fell flat on his face.  
  
"Umph!" Duke then grinned evilly and held up the culprit foot.  
  
"YOU BUTTFUCK-" Bakura began to shout, until he heard a voice clear behind him.  
  
"My my, someone has a potty mouth," Our teacher shook his finger. "Detention. Both you and Duke."  
  
"WHAT?" Duke stood up as fast as a bullet. "Why me?"  
  
"I saw you trip him. Tomorrow, both of you, in the classroom after school two hours."  
  
Bakura and Duke looked at each other. "Two hours?"  
  
"Yes, sit down."  
  
Duke sat in his seat, Bakura behind him.  
  
"I hate you," Bakura whispered to him.  
  
"Back at you, fucker."  
  
"You will never get Marik. He doesn't even like you."  
  
"He _will_."  
  
Wow, what creepy determination Duke has in winning me.  
  
K.A. Well, please review! They make the world go round! 


	23. Step 22: Yugi's puzzle on the gigantic c...

K.A. please forgive me! I've been sooo busy plus writing my gravitation story (cough please read and review cough).... but I have returned with an update! It's kinda an "in-between" chappie, though, but I hope you like!

Disclaimer: unfortunately...... no.... yugioh is not mine..... at all....

Marik's guide to world domination

"Asshole!"

"Dice fucker!"

"Man stealer!"

"Dumbass!"

I mean, it was like this all fuckin day.

I might have found it funny if Duke weren't so... obsessively creepy.

Lunch....

"Marik, eat lunch with me, baby," Duke urged, pulling at my arm.

"I don't wanna, Duke. Go away."

"Why not? I'm _starving_," Duke licked his lips. "For you."

_Whoo-oaaa! Creepy alert!_

"Duke, I refuse to be talked to like I'm yours."

"What? Well you are mine, so let's go."

"Let go."

"No! He's eating with me!" Bakura grabbed me and dragged me away.

"I'll get you, asshole!" Duke screamed.

Bakura turned, flipping Duke off. "Blow me."

"Dude, I don't think I like this thing where you're acting like my lover," I commented.

"Ok, we can either keep pretending, really become lovers," I shivered at the thought as Bakura grinned wickedly. "Or have Duke even more up your ass than he is," I shivered even more at that thought.

"Um, is there an option D?" I asked.

"Give in to Duke."

"Define 'give in'." I was suspicious.

Bakura laughed. "You know. Stop resisting."

"You think this is funny, don't you?" I snapped angrily.

"He he. So, are you going to give in or not?"

"Bakura, that is creepy." I sighed. "Look, stop this crap. I'll take care of this myself."

"Oookay," Bakura shrugged. "Just don't come crying to me when Duke has you tied up in his basement as his sex toy."

"Bakura, lately it seems the more you talk, the more pissed off I get," I rolled my eyes. "I'd rather shove a fork up my own ass than be his little sex slave."

Anyway, my students, I have been a very poor teacher lately. My vast knowledge of being evil has been kept from you.

Thanks to _him._

Duke. aka Butthead.

But, we are back on track at the moment. Until detention tomorrow, that is.

Oh goody I am so looking forward to it.

Now that we are really good friends (insert barf) with the little spiky haired fucker Yugi, I will make my next move.

That's right.

Getting that damn puzzle of his.

Of course, the little fuck has it on like, this massive chain around his neck like it's supposed to intimidate me or something, make him seem like a tough guy, but I just think it makes him look even goofier. Hehe. I mean, come on, that little shrimp?

But I think the 'run and grab' tactic will not work if you want to steal something from the enemy.... at least it did not fare well for me.....

"La la la la la," The little fucker sang as he skipped happily on his way home from school.

There I was, waiting in the bushes for him. He was about a block away from me when...

"Oof!" He tripped over his untied shoe lace.

Ha ha! I knew that was going to happen!

"Wahhh!" Yugi cried. "It hurtsss! I want my grandpa!"

This is what my dreams are made of.

Anyway, Yugi got up, sniffling and returned to his journey home.

"Come on asshole," I whispered. I hoped he would fall into the trap I laid out for him.

And he did.

"La la la la laaaa.... ooh, a penny!" Yugi bent over to pick it up.

"Bakura, now," I spoke in my walkie talkie.

Yes, I had Bakura on standby for backup.

Everyone should have backup during a mission. Of course, this is the most basic rule of evilness. If you did not learn it, please refer to my earlier missions to brush up on your evilness.

"Roger," Bakura bolted out of the other side of the bushes and kicked Yugi in the ass while he was bent over. It was soooo funny.

"Eeek!" Yugi plopped down to the ground.

"I'm ready," I whispered and bolted out of the bushes. I ran as fast as my little legs would take me.

"Owwwieeee..." Yugi was muttering as I quickly grabbed the huge ass chain off his neck and ran as fast as I could.

I turned as I was running (big mistake) to taunt him. "Ha ha, fucker! I won-"

I can't help it! It's the rule that bad guys have to taunt if they believe victory is in our hands!

BAM! Right into a stop sign. Right on my ass.

"Shit!" I whispered harshly, rubbing my head.

"Marik?!" Yugi ran up to me a few moments later. "Are you okay?!"

Um..... didn't this dumbass see the puzzle I was holding in my hand, clear as day?

What an idiot.

"I.... uh....." I couldn't think of anything to say!

"Thank you so much, Marik! I don't know how to repay you!"

What the fuck?

I just tried to steal the little dumbass's puzzle!

"Where did he go?" Yugi asked.

"Who? Bakura?"

"No! Silly! The guy who tried to take my puzzle! You know, the one you took it back for me from!"

"_Ohhh!_" I cried. So the dummy thinks I actually saved his puzzle from someone else? Perfect! "_Him!_ Well, I'm not sure, Yugi," I used my sweet voice. "I'm sorry you were attacked."

"Yeah," Yugi nodded. "First, he kicked me here," Yugi pointed to his ass, "then he took my puzzle! What a meanie!"

"Aw, let me walk you the rest of the way home," hehe luckily the little fuck didn't notice I still had the puzzle.

"Zip!" Yugi snatched the puzzle out of my hands.

Dammit.

Well, on to another plan, I guess.

"Why didn't you include me?" Kaiba demanded when he found out.

"Why are you so pissed?" I asked, curious.

"I, uh.....well, we're a team!"

"Kaiba, you didn't even want to be with us in the first place."

"Well, now that I am you better include me, dammit."

"I'm sorry."

"Is.... there something going on between you and Bakura?"

"What?" I snapped, glaring at Kaiba. "Hell no! What gave you that crazy idea?"

"Well, it's just that-"

"HEY, BABY!" I heard _him_ scream from a distance.

"Aw, fuck, it's Duke! Hide me!" I squealed.

K.A. hopefully my next update will be a lot sooner....well, as always, please review! Thanks


	24. Step 23: Three's a Crowd

Hey, guys…. The unbelievable has happened…. AN UPDATE! (gasp from the audience)

I've been UBER BUSY… but a few reviews I have gotten in the past few weeks has inspired me…. (Except the one that called this story disgusting… OH WELL!)

Sorry in advance if there are any spelling errors or errors in general(besdies the story being the usual messed up thing ever like always)

SO ENJOY!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own ANYTHING!

Marik's guide to world domination

Step 23: Three's a crowd

"_Baaabbyyy_!" Duke shouted giddily, running to me with his arms wide open.

We were in school now. Bakura and I tried to steal Yugi's puzzle last night, but it didn't quite work out the way we planned….

The first bell hasn't even rang yet and Duke-ass is _already_ up and ready to annoy the crap out of me.

I have to get back to my ultimate goal – WORLD DOMINATION. But HE is in my way.

I must find a way to eliminate Duke…. Permanently.

Kaiba sighed, picking up his briefcase.

"Off to more quantum calculus physics crap for some insanely hard ridiculous stupid work?" I asked sweetly.

Kaiba glared at me. "Have fun in _spelling_ class, Marik."

"Excuse me, I am in extra remedial, ultra remedial 2nd grade English, not spelling."

"Hey, guys!" Bakura waved to us.

Duke whipped his head around to glare at him….

Then walked into an open locker.

"OW, SHIT!" He screamed, holding the side of his face.

Well, I gotta do what I have to.

I lifted my arm and pointed my finger.

"MUAHAHAHAHA! YOU RAN INTO A LOCKER! DUMBASS!"

"Hold me!" He whimpered, stumbling around to find me.

Whoa! I quickly jumped aside and pushed Bakura in front of me.

"Hey! Asshole!" Bakura yelled as Duke latched on to him.

"Ew! Gross! Dice fucker germs!" Bakura screeched, trying to wriggle free.

"Mmm, baby you feel so soft!" Duke murmured, snuggling into Bakura.

Bakura threw me the look of Death. "Marik , I am going to _kill _you."

"Well, you have to get Dukey poo off of you first!" I pointed and laughed.

"Hey, guys!" The spiky haired fucker skipped oh-so-merrily down the hall, grinning.

I stuck my foot out as he passed by me.

"Ow!"

Hehe. Not anymore!

Kaiba kurked in the corner, writing something on a pad of paper.

"What the heck are you doing, Kaiba?" I asked, being the nosy little fuck I am.

"No-nothing!" Kaiba stammered, shoving the pad in his pocket.

Hmm…. I must know!

"Was it a ….._ lllloooovvveeeee_ letter?" I asked in a nasally voice.

"Nooooo." Kaiba's voice trailed off.

"Mmm-hmm. Then what was it?"

"It was nothing! Don't worry about it!"

"Kaiba, I am the leader of EVIL. If it wasn't a love letter, why must you hide it?"

"Marik, whether it's a love letter or not, I know you'll make fun of me," Kaiba snapped.

"True, true. But I'd make fun of you _more _if it was a love letter." I nodded.

"HEY YOURE NOT MY LOVER!" Duke screamed, pushing Bakura away.

"Whoo hoo! I'm free!" Bakura whooped.

"BABY!" Duke screamed, running at me. "DID YOU SEE HIM! HE TRIED TO STEAL ME AWAY FROM YOU!"

"Duke… he can't steal what I don't have or want," I answered. "I DON'T like you, okay!"

"KILL HIM!" Duke screamed, ignoring me.

"I'M KILLING _YOU_, MARIK!" Bakura screamed. "Thanks to you, I'm now CONTAMINATED with that thing's germs!"

"NO WAY!" Duke screamed back. "NOT AFTER THE WAY YOU TRIED TO HUMP ME!"

Bakura's mouth dropped open in surprise, along with mine.

"EWW! Bakura screamed wildly. "No way!"

"Bakura that's so gross!" Kaiba gasped.

"I didn't DO IT!" Bakura screamed.

"WELL YEAH BECAUSE I STOPPED YOU!" Duke cried.

"Stop the yelling! My ears hurt!" Yugi whined.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Bakura screamed.

"What was that?" The voice of Mr. Blowbottom or whatever his name was boomed behind us.

"Aw, shit," Bakura muttered.

IN A "MINI MEETING IN THE HALL"

"Kaiba, you can leave. I know you're not involved in such… _vulgarity_," Mr. Blowwhatever said.

"Ass kisser," I whispered fiercely. Kaiba blushed. "Marik is my friend," he answered loudly.

"Sure, and the earth is round. So?"

"WOW! THE EARTH IS ROUND?" Duke exclaimed excitedly.

We all stared at him for a moment.

"So… what's this I hear about the f-word and humping?" Mr. Blowwhatever sneered.

"Him!" Duke pointed to Bakura. "He _knows_ that Marik is my one and only, and he tried to hump me in the middle of the hall!"

The teacher looked at him like he had three noses. "What?"

"No, Mr. Blowbottom, I hate Duke," I explained.

"No, he doesn't," Duke blurted. "It's okay, baby, you don't have to be shy."

"No, really," I snapped, getting impatient with the stupid dice fucker. "I really hate you."

"Stop saying that! You don't!"

"YES!" I yelled.

"I didn't try to hump you!" Bakura snapped. "Marik pushed me on you to get away. Thanks, asswipe!"

The asswipe part was directed at me, I believe.

"So… let me get this straight…" Duke said slowly.

GASP!

Is Duke… going to finally get it?

That I hate his fucking guts?

Mr. Blowbottom rolled his eyes. "Why do I even bother? This is a high school, not one of those reality shows!"

"Aw, baby!" Duke waved a hand at me. "You want an open relationship, don't you?"

WHAT!

"I see now…. You want to experiment, so you pushed me onto Bakura to see how I would like it."

Bakura's eyes widened. "I DIDN'T TRY TO HUMP YOU."

"No, Duke," I replied. "I want you to rot in-"

"It's okay honey." Duke grinned goofily. "I'm okay with that. I actually… kinda liked the way Bakura felt… but you will ALWAYS be my number one, baby"

"I feel so honored," I sighed wearily.

Bakura's eyes bulged out of his head. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!"

"Watch your language young man!" Mr. Blowwhatever cleared his throat. "Um, in light of this very odd situation.."

"So, I guess we're having a threesome?" Duke stated looking at Bakura and I.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS!" Kaiba randomly erupted. "You did it to me AGAIN! Going around, fucking people and doing stuff WITHOUT me!"

"Whoa… I think a foursome is too much for me right now," Duke said. Everyone ignored him.

"Thanks a lot, fucker!" Bakura snapped at me. "Now thanks to you, Duke thinks I have a boner for him, too!"

I shrugged. "Well, it's your own fault for trying to hump him in the hall."

Bakura's face turned red with fury. "I DID NOT! I'D RATHER STICK DYNAMITE UP MY ASS AND LET IT EXPLODE!"

"You have dynamite?" I asked excitedly. "Where?"

"No, ass, I was being hypothetical."

"You were being…. What?" I asked, confused at the long h word he used.

"Gah! You're hopeless. I'm going to class!" Bakura stormed off.

"I'm going to since I'm obviously not loved around here!" Kaiba took off haughtily.

"So…wanna makeout?" Duke asked, and I rolled my eyes in disgust and went to class.

IN CLASS

Bakura kept glancing at Duke throughout the entire class period.

Unfortunately, Duke was staring at me.

I turned around and he blew a kiss at me.

Yugi saw it and gasped. "Aww, doing naughty stuff in class," he whispered.

"It's not naughty," Dauke answered. "It's a sign of my love for my baby."

"Oh…. Okay!" Yugi turned back around and I threw a pencil at the back of his head.

The pencil got caught in his hair.

Shit! That was my only pencil!

I looked around the floor to see if there were any other straggling pencils that were thrown at the tri color haired geek, but saw none.

"Laa laa laa laa laaaa!" Yugi hummed happily. Damn him and his abnormal hair.

K.A. Well that's it for now…. How about the bakura situation? Or kaiba?... hehe I'm sooo demented…. Especially since I lack sleep at this point…


	25. Step 24: Discontent

"Don't forget," Mr

HELLLLLOOOOO!

To any old readers that happen to see this, welcome back! It's been a while! I hope you remember this, if not go back and re-experience the magic 

To new ones, hello! Welcome to the old classic that won many hearts that may have been lost due to lack of updates…. due to lack of computer and internet time

BUT I'M BACK!!

_Mariks Guide to world Domination: Step 24 - Discontent_

_Disclaimer: Nope, STILL not mine after all this time! Not American idol, yugioh, or anything! I am a USER!! WHOOO!!_

"Don't forget," Mr. Blowwhatever sternly looked at Bakura, then Duke, "you two have a date with me today after school."

I pointed at Bakura and laughed. "Haha buttdig! You have detention! And I don't!" I used my ever so large vocal talent to sing that last part.

Heck, screw it. Maybe I'll join _American Idol_ to attempt to gain the worlds favor…. then BAM! Take them all when they least expect it.

Hm… I just gave myself an idea... money AND power?? YES! My next plot…_American Idol_!

Next time, folks, next time folks!

Back to the shitfest that is school!!

Bakura turned around to glare at me. _"Buttdig_? Yeah, real mature, you retard!"

"Don't call me a retard, asshole!" I yelled. "Just because I take all super remedial classes and can't count doesn't make me stupid!"

"…yes it does," Bakura answered.

"No, I just don't wanna! I don't try because I'm EVIL!"

"No... you just can't count because you're a dumbass," Bakura answered.

"Fuck you!"

"HEY!" Mr. Blowwhatever said. "Marik, Bakura is right. You are a stupid little man who will never succeed in life! And stop using such language before you get your butt in detention too! I am just giving you more leeway because I don't like you!"

"Hey, don't be dissing my man," Duke yelled.

"Hey! I should sue you for slander… or whatever!" I pointed at Mr. Blowwhatever. "How dare you talk to me like that! I shall see you suffer when I am in control…"

"What, are you going to sue him for telling the truth?" Bakura sneered snidely.

"Bakura, go fuck yourself."

"STOP! I swear, Marik, one more outburst and detention for you, even though I don't want to see you again!"

Yugi turned around. "Stop it, Marik! Can't we all just get along? Stop it!" He whined.

I flicked Yugi in between his eyeballs.

"Owieee! Marik, that hurt! Why did you do something so mean?" Yugi sniffled.

"Because I hate you," I muttered.

"What?"

"Because.. I ate…cream.." I stuttered trying to say something that resembled "I hate you," and failing.

"Cream gives me gas," Yugi announced unnecessarily.

"You know what gives me gas? Cheese." Duke yelled.

"So that's what that funny smell was!" Kaiba pointed at Duke. "We had pizza for lunch!"

"You know what gives me gas?" Bakura asked loudly.

"Nobody gives a shit!" I snapped.

"PEANUT BUTTER!" Bakura screamed wildly.

"It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time!" Joey stood up and sang.

Yugi stood up and danced his faggoty little ass on a desk.

Kaiba whipped out a bat and hit Duke on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Duke screamed.

"Haha!" I grandly pointed and laughed.

"That's it! Kaiba, Yugi, and Marik, detention!"

"Yes!" Kaiba yelped "Do you plan on doing something EVIL in detention?"

"Shh! Not so loud, dumbass!"

"Marik, you're too dumb to be evil!" Bakura snapped. "I can't believe youre in charge! No wonder why the hell we haven't made any progress yet!"

"Bakura, shut the fuck up before we blow our cover!"

"What cover? The 'I want to be evil but am too stupid and retarded do actually do anything worthwhile' cover?!"

"Marik? Evil? No way Marik is one of my best friends!" Yugi said happily.

"Bakura, I'm tired of your lip! Plus, stupid and retarded are the same thing dumbass, so how can I be both?"

"Marik, you're stupidity is so overwhelming that you are every synonym for the word stupid, stupid!"

"…. What's a synonym?" I asked.

"ARRGGGHHHH!" Bakura yelled.

Tea stood up. "Now guys, we are all friends here. Can't we all just put our differences aside and go back to being best -"

"Tea, detention!" Mr. Blowwhatever interrupted Tea's gayass speech.

"What did I do?" Tea asked, shocked.

"Giving one of your stupid little friend speeches. That's double detention for you, missy!"

"Sir, why did I get detention?" Yugi wondered.

A Short taste… detention,American Idol and a ploy to steal the puzzle that… succeeded?! YUP! Coming soon!

-K.A., back in business ;-)


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